Online dating tips

It amazes and saddens me to constantly read in the news and on the television another life wasted after meeting up with someone through a “dating” site. It’s a serious issue as more and more people take the the web to find their future “somebodies”.

Unfortunately not everyone is on these dating sites to find a future somebody. Speaking from some  of the experiences I’ve been told a lot of stories of people who use genuine dating site as a hook up, instead of the sites created to be a hook up site.

So a couple of tips from someone who has actually found her possible future someone online and has also had some interesting stories that she could share with you!

  1. Do not go to anybodies house, meet out in a public place and in mutual territory…Especially on the first date!
  2. Meet up somewhere where you can get out of a uncomfortable situation, quickly.
  3. On the first few dates let someone you know well and trust, where and when you are going on this date.
  4. Make sure you have a way to get home. Do not let them take you home, no matter how earnestly they offer.
  5. If someone automatically wants to meet up at their house on the second date, chances are they are only in it for one reason. Be honest, let them know it makes you feel uncomfortable and if they don’t offer another public place, or just quit speaking with you. They were clearly in it for one reason.
  6. If you feel uncomfortable in any situation, whether you are on a date or just chatting online with them, listen to your gut and stop the situation.
  7. As I mentioned before don’t be surprised if someone is using a genuine dating site, rather than a hookup site, to, infact, hook up.

Can you think of any other tips you would give to someone using an online dating site for the first time? Especially advice and hints to keep themselves safe?

Who are you?

Talking with the girls (as one does) and we were talking about which ex’s do we regret the most. I’m not sure that I actually regret any of my past relationships, however there is one relationship that has an interesting way to view it and I wonder if I am alone in this.

My last relationship I felt like he was lying so much about who he was, that he never knew who I was. To me there is not way that he could possibly have cared about the real me, because if you don’t know who a person is…How can you possibly know what can hurt them? How would you know what they would consider to be a betrayal?

I put it down to this, it was like dating an actor, but dating their amazing fictional character and then realising, disappointingly,  you were dating this whole other real reality. It’s the best way that I can think of to explain my last relationship. I think that’s why I find it so hard to get over what happened…Who did I date? Did I date the man, or the character?Any ways…Don’t matter no more ~.^ hehe

Slow and steady wins the race

Last night I hung out with the number one guy (I don’t even talk to the number two guy…Craaaaaaazy!). At his house…all by ourselves…except for his cat (who loved me, hehe).

I forgot how nervous I get that first time around, nothing happened, except some cuddling up and watching truly terrible movies. I always find on that first time if I truly like them, if I don’t want to slap them while we’re cuddling, that is a good sign! Haha!

I know that I want to move slowly in this relationships, sometimes I do worry that I am going to slowly, but how do you keep bringing that topic up? I mean he seems perfectly alright with everything at the moment as is, but I don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m leading him on. Plus when I’m stressed out in a job, I never feel in a romantic mood any-ways….Ah, these stupid feelings!

“The Talk”

So last night I went out a date with the “guy”…(I really should give him a nickname…Sir, I’ll call him “Sir” He is a Sir =D). We’ve pretty much just been going out, but not hanging out if that makes sense. So I brought it up if he minded us going slowly. I think sometimes I forget (and others too) that only a couple of days before I decided to try out the online dating scenes I got into the last major fight with my ex.

I probably should have given myself more time, but I didn’t expect to actually meet someone. At the same time though, I have not a single doubt that that is the reason I need to take things slowly. I can feel in my heart that it’s very broken and it feels like trying to stick steel back together again. But it sticking back together, not exactly as it was of course, but it is.

Anyways we had “the talk” last night and I walked away very happy from it. I think he actually really listened to why I needed to take things slowly and he is actually in the same boat as me. I don’t know if he had a fight with his ex two days before he went on the online dating site, but he’s tired of being hurt too. So we are actually both wanting to take it slowly. It was such a good conversation and I am so glad that I brought it up, he really listens to me.

I am really glad that I’ve met him =)

Wobble…Like Jelly…

So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.

Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.

I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.

I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.

p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.

 brokengirl

This Matthew West guy seems to get it…

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Published on 14 May 2012

Lyric Video..

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JessicarJiggins

Online Dating Update

Thought that I would give a little update to my online dating experiences (and hopefully give you something fun to read on this Sunday night).

Guy Number one:

I shall call him number one because it seems to be going really well with him. The first date we couldn’t stop talking to each other and I knew that I liked him when we got home late and I needed to get up early the next day and so I kind of ran out of the car, but then, in true girl like fashion, I realised he hadn’t kissed me…and I wanted him to and woke up the next morning with regrets =/

Guy Number two:

This one is going nowhere. Guys there are only a certain type of girl that will like the needy “tell me everything and who you are talking to” guy…I am not one of those. I had to finally reject him and let him know that I was not interested. There was nothing “bad” about him, he is just not the type for me.

Advice:

My biggest advice is to meet anyone you meet online in public, do NOT meet in them in private. Do not let them pick you up or drop you off on the first date (possibly the second too if you’re unsure). Do pay attention to what they are saying, guy number two (for example) starting asking me pretty nearly straight away who else I was talking to. Although I am not very experienced in online dating, I felt uncomfortable about him asking me. DO listen to your gut instincts. Once I had turned him down I have now spent the past three days (I am not kidding) trying to explain to him I am just not interested. It really feels like I’ve broken up with him, rather than just letting him down.

Mind Flip

So I am going my first date with a second guy that I met on the online dating site and I have already set-up a second date with the first guy I met online. I’m a little worried because I still like the first guy that I met on the online dating and he was actually the reason that I joined the site in the first place.

I have never really had to reject someone where there has been the promise of dating before. I’ve had to reject people I’ve known for a while, but not someone I haven’t known for a while. I mean the second guy seems alright, but I am just not clicking with him and I do not want to lead him on. Oh the confusion of dating!

datingmeme

The other thing that I have been finding really interesting though is my total and utter mind flip on my ex, it’s been amazing! There is that saying though “Hindsight and 20/20” and they are cliches for a reason I guess! It just feels like my mind has done a huge 360. I really don’t care…Finding out certain things and really sitting down to think about it, I don’t think my ex cared about me at all!

Not in a vicious way, I just don’t really think that he ever really got to know the real me. He has no idea who I really am. Plus I think when you really can’t tell who a person is and who they genuinely like as a human being, there is no way that that is a good sign!

Feeling Good!

Online Dating

So I did it…Last night I joined an online dating site.

So far it’s been a nervous wrecking process and I have absolutely no idea what I’m suppose to do.  I’ve got quiet a few responses and just a little while ago the guy who I was initially interested in and the reason why I joined the site in the first place, said he was interested in talking to me! The funny thing was I had been waiting and waiting to hear from him and I knew that he was constantly looking at my profile, but he wasn’t saying anything!

I haven’t tried online dating for many years and it assumes me greatly that it feels exactly the same as if I was at a party. You know that feeling…There is that one person whose eye catches your fancies, but the entire night it’s every other person whose actually coming up and talking to you, and you and the person you are actually interested in, just make eye contact and then they’re gone.

It’s also quiet an intimidating process. In my past when I’ve rejected a guy they haven’t always responded well, so I really life in fear of having to reject anyone. Luckily with this particular site though (as a friend whose used this site told me) if you do reject them, they make it so they can’t contact you again, to stop them hassling you I guess.

Now if you excuse me I have to think of some funny and witty reply to reply to his guy with…Ah, the pressure!

 

30 Days of Gratitude: Days 22 – 28

Day 22 – Conventions: Today started off with me feeling pretty down about a lot a of things. So going to the Supanova convention was exactly what I needed, but I was also grateful that I was able to attend this convention with good friends. What I didn’t expect was to feel as free as I did. Surrounded by people in a fun environment where I felt safe to be me, I felt free from the dramas of other people treating me like a second rate friend. If I had gone out drinking, or just clubbing I would have just gotten drunk.

Day 23 – Health – So last night I pretty much spent half the night throwing up due to some food poisoning and found that more than half the people I went out with had gotten it too. So I wasn’t feeling particularly grateful. Luckily though I realised if I was on the streets or in a third world country, what I went through last night, there was a serious chance that I could have died in the streets. As terrible as my stomach felt, it could have ended up a lot worse for me in a different situation.

Day 24 – Job Club – One of the requirements of not having a job in Australia is attending “Job Club” every week. Sometimes it can feel like such a chore, but I have a new case worker now and feel like he might be actually able to help me. I also got a call today from a potential employer, letting me know that the police check I sent (I sent in for a casual pool months ago) is now invalid and before they can even consider giving me employment I need a new police check…Feeling a little more positive today.

Day 25 – Ferguson: Well this has definitely been the hot topic on a global scale today and I don’t even live in America! As much as I am feeling like I want to stay indoors and be a hermit right now, I am feeling very grateful to be an Australian right now Apart from Abbott trying to ruin everything…We are pretty lucky… Let’s kick Abbotts butt! I can’t stand that guy,lol.

Peaceful Protest Ferguson!

Day 26 – Breakthrough: Last night I had such a breakdown and it was not a good one, I haven’t had one like that in a really long time. For 30 years I have realised how badly I’ve been treated by my ex’s and the damage that is pretty permanent now. It has made me though realise I need to seriously change a LOT in my life. I also need to stop dating Gamers…They are a lot of talk, but not so much about the ‘walk’,lol.

Day 27 – “The Fight”: I have been a bit down since I had to really say goodbye to my ex and let him know that I just do not trust him and after 30 yrs. I am honestly having a hard time trying to find something to be grateful for, other than realising how strong my heart is and how loyal it is to myself instead of ignoring what I need to do.

Day 28 – Thanksgiving: How ironic that 30 days of gratitude happens to fall on Thanksgiving. There is so much that I am grateful for although I am going through a bit of a bad patch right now. But I also know because of all that I am grateful for, I will make it through this too.

The wrong one…

One of the frustrating things in this day and age is getting hit on and asked out on a date by someone you are just NOT in too. Why you ask? Shouldn’t we be flattered and honoured that someone finds us remotely attractive? I say to you friend, No…For one tiny little label…”Friendzone”.

I can’t even begin to say and tell how many times I have said “No” to a proposal of a date because I am just not interested, to wake up the next day to a whole posts of being tagged in a “Friendzone” type meme. I have been publicly called a slut and humiliated in front of my ex (which is a huge NO NO!) all because “How come girls go one about how there are no ‘good guys’ out there and then we end up chasing jerks”.

Except I have never once said that there are no good guys out there? I don’t even believe it. None of my girlfriends have said it either. Yet, because of one guys bruised ego we are automatically given a label of being bitches and harlots because we said “No, not interested”. I in fact still keep being asked out by one particular guy all the time, even though since I’ve known him I’ve had two relationships! Yet I made to feel bad because I choose not to date him, still? If I kept chasing a guy like that, I’d be called “desperate” and still I am in the wrong, for saying “No”.

It is actually terrifying these days to “reject” someone. I use to literally just say “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested”, but now I feel like I have to come up with a whole explanation. I want to be able to say that girls do this too, but I never really seen a girl ever complain about being put into a “Friendzone”. I honestly believe it’s more scary these days to reject someone rather than asking someone out.