Every love is different

I like watching the Daily Pop when I can…I just enjoy the hosts, they seem like pretty alright people. For being in the entertainment industry they seem to be pretty both sided and that’s gotta be tough.

One of the topics they were talking about was an interview with A-Rod whose dating J-Lo and how he said it was definitely different from their other relationships. Which then opened up a conversation about love and how each relationship will be different.

I have to agree with the statement that especially in the beginning of a relationship, a lot of the times we feel “this is different” “this is it” and then over time it just kind of disappears…But I want to talk about love for a little bit. I’ve been in love probably three times. I’ve loved more about that. It’s an interesting though to be in love someone and just kind of love someone.

The most truest thing is though every love is different. I actually had an ex’s new girlfriend ask me if I thought he was ever going to grow up and she was thinking of breaking up with him. I explained to her that every relationship is different, how he was with me, will be different how he was with her. They’re married now, so I figure they worked it out,lol.

• People have different life experiences.
• People grow differently.

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The other person

I am such an odd person, I feel like I have such a different view on life and how I view certain situations. I’m just going to have too say that I have been cheated on in pretty much every single relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t understand it, what I don’t actually understand is why cheat when you can break up with me? I have never been married, I don’t have kids with any of these people, so why didn’t they just leave?

That’s not what my weird view of life is about though, I’m sure lots of people think that “Why didn’t they just leave”.

What I don’t do, I have never blamed the other person who cheated with my partner. I have had quiet a few of these ladies come to me after my break ups. Mainly, I think it’s because they thought when my ex and I had broken up, they were just going to jump into a relationship with my ex. When that didn’t happen, they thought coming to me would do something, I’m not exactly sure what. I was always thought it was an odd thing to do because why do these people think my ex’s respected me enough to listen to me, when they had cheated on me, and didn’t break up with me instead. That’s not respectful, they didn’t respect me, clearly. They’re not going to listen to me now.

I have always felt though, it’s not the “other persons” job to respect me and protect me and take care of my heart, that is 100% my partners job. Even if they actually know about me, it’s still not their job. They don’t know me, they may know of my existence, but they don’t KNOW me, they owe me absolutely nothing.

I’ve been tempted in the past and I don’t think a lot of people would have blamed me, and I’m like 99% sure the other person would have been up for it. I still didn’t do it though. I didn’t do it for me, I didn’t do it for my partner at the time. I realised something was wrong and I tried to fix it. My partner then continued to cheat on me, or tried too (that’s a whole other story for another day) and we broke up. I can look myself in the face/mirror though and be proud and happy with myself. It also gave me a huge amount of respect for the person I wanted to cheated with, since they didn’t do anything either. In all honestly as well, until I had met my current partner I always had a little “What if”

The only time I would ever blame the “other person” is if they were a good friend or a family member, that’s it.

Another old age question…Do long distance relationships work?

I got another one!

As someone who once was in a long distance relationship on and once off again for 3 years, I feel like I’ve delved into this enough to write about it.

Short answer: Yes, they can work.

However, there are different factors have to consider.

1. You have to both want it to work. Just with any relationship, not just long distance, means that both partners have to want it to work.
2. You still have to have each others back. This was such a huge problem for me. My now ex partner liked this girl who hated me (I still, 7 years later, have never actually met this girl). So I felt very alone, which is dangerous in a long distance relationship. The ONLY reason I knew he wasn’t cheating on me with her was because I knew that she didn’t like him. It was weird, she liked him using him as a pretend boyfriend, as she called him, but wasn’t interested in him. I felt like an idiot having to fight with my own boyfriend about how another girl was using him, like he was only my friend.
3. You still have to make an effort. Especially with today’s technology, there’s no real reason to not face time or to text. Although you may not be able to afford the most expensive technology, you can still do sweet things. I used to like writing letters to my partner, for example.
4. You HAVE to see each other for a good amount of time at least once or twice a year AND you both have to visit the other. This can be harder with international relationships. But my ex partner never once came out to Australia, it was always the other way around. Even when I offered to pay for him to come out here.
5. Make sure when you go visit you have somewhere to go in case something “bad” happens. You don’t have to break up with someone when you are in different places, it can happen when you’re together. Make sure you have a back up plan, in case it goes wrong…Trust me. I found out years later that my ex had wanted to break up with me at one point while I was over there, but didn’t because he was worried I had nowhere else to go (which was not true).
6. Remember their friends may not be yours! This was a hard lesson for me. Some of my ex’s friends I made good friendships over there and still am friends with them, and when I can afford too, I’ll go back and see them. Others were definitely a lot more “fake”.

That old age question…The rules of being single?

Ha! I finally found another topic to write about under my “Single in a Small city” category. For those who don’t know there is a lot of irony in this particular category. I was 30, I had been broken up with someone for about a month and so decided to write about being single in a small town. Well the “irony” about it is that roughly a little over another month later, when I started this category, I started dating someone….And the rest…as they say…is history.

I felt it was a little wrong about talking about being single, when I wasn’t anymore. It was also funny because usually when I’ve broken up with someone, I’m usually would stay single for about a year. It’s not a rule, it’s just something that always seemed to happen to me, so to be dating someone a couple of months later was a huge shock for me.

The other problem with being a small city is that a lot of the time, it’s a Kevin Bacon six degrees situation. The person you like or are dating or are interested in, even when you think you’re dating someone completely different from your ex. There is usually someone they know who will know your ex in some form or another.  So although there came a time when I refused to date anyone from the same group as my ex, after the appalling way I was treated by the “good guys”. Every ex since, has known someone from my ex’s group, who knows my ex…Complicated, isn’t it?lol … So you can have a rule about not dating anyone from your old friendship groups with a ex that you share, but it is so hard to do that here.

Do you have any rules, readers? When you’re single, do you not date for a set amount of time…Or are your rules more like “guidelines”?

Share Your World … Week 41

Share Your World … Week 41

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
   I do, but I also don’t believe that we’ve realised that it’s happened, if that makes any sense. I think about my current partner and my previous partners and those first time I met them. I believe there is some kind of of connection when you “a one” and also “the one”. Something happens, whether it’s hormones, destiny, something happens in those first moment, that we are not even aware of.
2. Your first car?
   I haven’t actually even learned to drive yet, one day though. My dream car would be a Mini though!
3. Who taught you to ride a bike? How did it go?
   My Dad really was the one who taught us, he bought us bikes and he kind of “made us” do it. Which sounds tough, but we would have never have done it if he hadn’t of made us. The bike he got me though, I think was a bit too big or tall for me. I can’t remember which way it’s called, but it was hard for me to get my leg over.
4. Ugly and rich or beautiful and poor?
   I would honestly have to go with Ugly and rich. I’m not trying be all holier than though. I really believe at the end of the day your friends, family and love relationships, the ones who care about you anyways, will still be around for you. At least though if I was rich, I would be able to travel and explore new cultures, new lands.
5. What was the first dish you could cook?
   I think I baked before I started to make dishes for dinner and such. I used to love making cookies, I just loved the smell. As for dinner, I think the first dish I could cook was tuna mornay, I love that dish, one of the reasons that I made it.

Turn Offs?

I was having a conversation with some good lady friends the other day and we’re all in pretty serious relationships and the topic come about what we used to got through when we were single. We had a good laugh especially when it come to the topic of what used to turn us off…And how little of a clue these guys in our lives had/have about us. Which is why they are not with us.

It got me thinking about one thing that would instantly turn me off. There was one ex I dated and we had a lot of mutual friends before and after we had dated. Now, bless their tiny little socks, they have this hobby, were it doesn’t really encourage a whole lot of deep thinking. It’s more sitting around for hours and “discussing” people who weren’t there. The problem with this was…still is…The gossip at some point started to become fact, even if they never talked about the issue with THAT particular person. You’d only find out what had been said about you, when someone gets angry with someone else and then that person tells everybody else what you’ve said about them.

To break it down, not a single one these guys have actually had a conversation with me about who I am and what my ex actually did it me in our old relationship. They used to think turning me on would be one sentence:

“I’m nothing like your ex-boyfriend”. 

Yep, that was the big line. There was just one problem, they have no idea what he was like with me because they’ve never ever asked what happened. How would they know if they’re nothing like him? 100% of the time just on social media sites, I could see them interacting with him, just like him. Using the same language, commenting on their friends girlfriend boobs. Just from what I could see, they were doing the exact same things he does, all over a public social media site. So where’s the proof exactly that their nothing like him. Except for the fact that they were doing everything exactly like him?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many things these guys would do and say that were EXACTLY what my ex used to do and then in same breath say “I’m nothing like your ex”. That’s a whole other blog in itself.

So, readers what are your turn offs? Do you have people in your life, who don’t “get it” either?

The “Good Guy” Syndrome

I usually don’t like writing/talking about this subject mainly because it brings up so many issues and problems and no one actually listening, just all fights. This is a major problem that a lot of girls face when they’re single. I’m not sure if being in a relationships means that I just don’t see it anymore, but I know it’s a huge problem.

Deciding to write this blog post come about when someone posted to me in a private message. The article comes from the website Distractify and I really had to share it with you.

The guy is shaming women who reject him and it backfires.

To summarise this article, a person (assuming he’s a guy here) writes an anonymous note about how ‘hard’ it is to be a good guy, opening doors and not getting thanked for it…blah, blah, blah…And the responses that come from this anon note. The reason I wanted to share it with you all was this one classic line from the backfire:

“Did Batman give up on Gotham because people weren’t thanking him for saving the city?”.

I can personally relate to this issue, I was actually shamed on Facebook because I didn’t want to date a “good guy” cause nothing says “I’m a good guy” like shaming someone because they rejected you…three times…*insert sarcasm* Being shamed publicly on Facebook completely made me rethink and made me realised how wrong I was when I saw that if I didn’t do what this guy wanted me to, he’d get his friends and they’d just humiliate me…I wasn’t happy with my choice of not dating this guy at all*end of sarcasm*

I did learn from this situation…Make a game out of it ladies (and guys if this happens to as well). What I used to do was with the last guy I was with  and when he would do the cliche “good guy things”. For example, having to make a comment on any girls picture asking “where the good guys are”…Everyone takes a shot/drink.

Guys you need ask yourself two questions, if you need to try and convince someone else you’re a “good guy” ask yourself why do you have no other qualities to offer? And, if you are SO convinced that the girl you “like” is chasing someone who you think is such a “douche” why do YOU want a girl like that? What does it say about you?

Baby, you should date yourself

This one is for you singletons that really struggle with the upcoming day on Sunday … The day whose name we shall not mention!

Now the reason that I’m writing about this today is because if you are dreading then this is written for you, just in time! Take yourself on a date!

Instead of moping around the house and eating and drinking yourself sillyily, take the day to date yourself instead. Even maybe take a date day with your friends. Get a group together.

There is not a “single” reason you cannot go out and have a great day yourself and do the things and eat the things and watch the things that you want to do. When I was single I would go out for dinner with either my Mum or my friends and we would have a really awesome time. The day that shall not be named, is only one day and to some people (like myself) it’s not even that big of a deal. I know that some people make this HUGE deal of it, don’t be like them.

Singles Day (apparently)

#SinglesDay

So today (10th of November) is singles day … So remember to head out today and treat yourself. When I was a bad relationship I learnt how to date myself. I started to take myself out to dinner/lunch, I do a little therapy shopping and go see a movie that I had always wanted too. When we broke up I kept going on dates with myself.

Also I posting New Kids on the Block and Ne-Yo “Single” because I actually really now strongly dislike Beyonces “Single Ladies” … I know! What is wrong with me, right?!

Uploaded by: NewKidsVEVO

Uploaded on 13 Dec 2009

Music video by New Kids On The Block, Ne-Yo performing Single. YouTube view counts pre-VEVO: 2,689,622. (C) 2008 Interscope Records

• Music “Single” by New Kids On The Block, Ne-Yo (Google Play • iTunes)

• Category Music

• Licence Standard YouTube Licence

What do I do now?

So you’ve broken up with someone and you’ve gone through the whole “Why don’t they love me?” the drinking and the crying and the eating the really bad food. What next? I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced it. There’s always a moment for me when I’ve gotten through all the bad stuff and I’m over it all. I think that’s the danger moment, when you can so easily fall back into a pattern.

We always hear about when we first break up with someone how hard it is and then how you’ll get through. What about that first moment when you realise, you are alright. Not the going to be moment, but…the moment…

It’s such a lost feeling you’ve been wrapped up in these feelings and emotions for so long and even with a short break up, a hard breakup can take a lot out of out. Yet, you’re not quite at the “I am SO over you” moment. You may not be over that person yet, but you know you’ll be alright.