A card…

I wrote this post because the topic has really just stuck with me and I am not really sure how I feel about it.

In Australia it was Fathers Day on September the 3rd and I did the usual Father/Daughter lunch thing. I actually had to work on the Sunday, so we went to lunch out on the Saturday instead. However, as most of us do I had trouble looking for a card, until I found what I thought was the “perfect card”.

I didn’t even look on the back, how many of us do that?

I didn’t even realise that on the back of the card it had a prostate cancer cause on the back. The type that means that a part of the sale of the card goes toward the Prostate Cancer foundation…It just made me feel uncomfortable and mainly because my Uncle, my Fathers twin, actually had this. I think it’s a good idea especially since a lot of the other cards are all about breast cancer, I think it is good too see another cancer being supported. I just felt this one was too close too home.

Have you ever bought a card and then just not wanted to give it?

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Copyright and “Nerds”

Copying is something that is a HUGE issue in the world of Nerds and Geeks. Making sure games aren’t the same, making sure that people aren’t selling unauthorised copies, or just making straight out copies of another artist’s work. It can be a huge problem as a lot of it can be just an interpretation.

There was an incident last year involving a Cosplayer that I follow. They are usually such fighters for not copying other people’s work, until they wanted to sell some tops of their own. This group of Cosplayers are usually the first to jump all over anyone who copies another artists work. Yet, for some reason when they designed a top that was seen to be very close to the WuTang Clan symbol. They decided that it was alright to continue with selling it and the person who reported them was just letting other people down, as their top ended up being banned.

The thing that I found odd about the whole thing was that, people were attacking the person who reported the tops. Now the person (I have no idea if they were female or male) was a jerk and they were taking a little bit too much pleasure on getting the top banned…But they were right. The symbol was very similar to the WuTang symbol. If it wasn’t, it would have never been banned. So why the hate when you’re doing exactly what you preach against?

Suckers for Punishment

This has been a topic for me that has perplexed me this year. Why do people continually talk about how much they “hate” something and yet can’t help themselves and continually watch them and involve them by commenting on every single thing they do? Why can’t people just scroll by?

Daily Post – Land of Confusion

Land of Confusion – Daily Prompt

My life IS a land of confusion, I rarely feel like I fit in, whatever I do never seems right. It’s never good enough. My mind is a constant land of confusion, whenever I think I’ve gotten it, I haven’t. Sometimes I used to feel really let down and out of it, and now, as I’ve gotten older, it’s mattering too me less and less. Sometimes I look at what is happening in the world and the prioritises and I think “Am I the only one who thinks this is lame?”

I always used to say that I was born in the wrong age, the wrong era, the wrong decade. I feel like this more and more each day.

I didn’t expect this…

I’ve only been on the online dating site for a couple of days and I already have two guys that I’m interested in and they seem interested in me too…

In the moments though when I am not talking to them and those silent few minutes before I asleep. I am suddenly reminded of the heartbreak that I have only recently endured and it comes all flooding back to me and then I am paralysed again by fear and I just want to go back to the beginning of the year and start all over again.

I don’t want to feel like this any-more, I want to be happy, I don’t want to be sad. It is easy to forgive, it’s hard to forget. I wish that there was someone who could just give me one big hug and tell me that it was all going to be okay and for once be able to believe it myself.

You see the thing is…It should have been you…

If you could read mind right now this is what you’d hear…

You see…the thing is…I am finding my life incredibly fun these days, there is always something to do and someone that I can see…Every now and then I can’t help but think that it seems so unfair that you’re not here with me having this fun…But then again you are the one that made all of this happen.

It should be me and you taking on the world, making it ours, we completely deserve it!

But my life is a lot of fun right now and I don’t think of nearly as much as I use to and the nightmares have stopped, well for the past week at least. Music is really making me angry for some reason though.

I can’t wait to fall in love again, I guess that’s one thing I can take from this. You did open up my heart to make sure that I knew that it was really there, so I thank you for that. I can’t wait too meet the one and experience all that life has to offer when you fall in love…But…it should have been you.

Some days I literally have to sit on my hands, or “gasp” do homework to distract myself from contacting you. I promised you that you never had to worry about hearing from me again. Why were you so stupid? Why couldn’t you have just said “I’m sorry…I never meant any of this too happen and I never meant to hurt you”. We only knew each other a short time, but there is a dark hole in my heart that I can’t fill up with anything else. That little hole just hiding there, I can feel just the tip of the beginning of that hole at all times.

I am off to have fun again and I will, it’s not meant to sound mean, but I don’t feel like I should have to be sad. I love you always (you never knew that either, did you?) I would have married you without hesitation if you had asked and I’ve never felt like that before…The thing is, you’ll never know any of this. I’m kind of glad about that, I wouldn’t want anyone to take that for weakness, I don’t want you back now.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda…The thing is…It’s not you.

I hate loving you…

I hate that you made me feel,
I hate that you made me happy,
I hate that you made me feel safe and loved,
I hate that I fell in love with you.

I hate that I was strong and never needed anyone,
I hate that now all I want is for someone to hold me,
I hate that now all I want is to fall in love,
I hate that you made the voices in my head quiet.

Because now they’re back, stronger than before,
Making me feel…That time at night, when all I want is too sleep,
I wont think of you and then…BAM! There you are, front and centre,
The nightmares wont stop…I just want them too stop.

I hate that I don’t think I’ll stop feeling like this until I start to feel for someone else again.

I say all this but I don’t want you back. I just want to stop feeling like this.

I feel like a little lost light.