What to do with your bully

I was inspired to write this after, seeing Sparks from a combustible mind – Share Your Week – Rogers Magic question.

What happened to cause you to discover ‘bullies” were real?

I didn’t want to answer this question at the time, because at the time I was sick of people on Twitter. Just their stupid, stupidity. There was a trans kid who went missing. ALL the TERF twitter accounts REFUSED to call the kid by their chosen name. They also called the police pathetic, when they announced the child missing, they did let people know that they are a trans child, and their preferred name. Now this Twitter account apparently had former police officers in it. SO no, doubt in my mind, that they SHOULD understand the implications and danger they COULD have put that child in!

Luckily, for them, the child was found. But I felt physically ill when they started going on about how relieved they were. I personally, would kick their asses and sue.

However, I feel like NOW is a good time to talk about bullying because of the increase of social media bullying. The alt-right being ever so loud with their bigotry. People in power and influence, KNOWING the damage that they’re causing, and not caring.

My first case of bullying was when I was in Year 6, so I was about 9-10. It was a group of girls (of course), and to this day, I cannot tell you for the life of me why they bullied me. Somehow I ended up in a class with none of my friends and a weak ass teacher. My parents asked to just swap my classes, but for some reason they just wouldn’t. It was bizarre.

A couple of years ago, one of the people, who wasn’t that bad towards me. Actually apoligised to me via Facebook, they said it was part of their AA steps. Too apolgise to someone they feel, they had done wrong. At the time, I was in my mid-30’s, and I accepted their apology.

Probably the worst bullying I had ever encountered was cyber bullying. Again, a bunch…well two girls. For some reason, again, decided that they didn’t like me. Now I’m going to say, the girl who came after me the most. I have yet too actually meet her. She lives 20,000+ miles away, in Arizona. She came into the group, just after I left the last time.

So, what do you do? I think we’ve all heard that saying “Just laugh it off”, or something similar. Even if by some miracle you do laugh it off and they stop. What do you do after?! It still will affect you. I was talking about this with my mum as well the other day. One thing you can do is start to record any bullying incidents. One of the biggest problems we have these days, is that people don’t want to say anything. So If you keep a diary of what happens, even if it’s electronically (it doesn’t have to be a “old” fashioned diary). When you feel you can’t handle it anymore, you have a record to show, and you don’t have to say a thing. Accepting ALL your flaws, I find also gives them less power, because its like…

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National Day of Action against Bullying & Violence

National Day of Action against Violence and Bullying: Schools must continue the fight  – Sydney Morning Herald

Today in Australia it is National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence…It is currently in it’s 8th year.

Bullying. No Way!

It’s mainly for schools, children and young people and focuses on all types of Bullying from physical to cyber/social bullying. It takes place all over Australia.

Bully or Not a Bully?

Isn’t it great when you’re writing one post and then come up with another Blog Post idea?

I was writing about “something that I’ve created” and I mentioned about a person who let me know that I’m upset people better listen because when I’m upset, something must be really wrong. The irony is what she said was she ended being one of my biggest bullies that I’ve ever encountered before.

That’s when it struck me though, does she (and other one) even consider themselves to be bullies? I have few mutual friends with these girls, amazingly I lost a lot because of them as well. Since we have these friends in common sometimes I see them write comments that still, to this day, make me roll my eyes. However the things they say they don’t seem to think that they have ever done anything wrong in their life. Which perplexes me, clearly.

It did make me think though how many of our bullies actually even think they have been bullies themselves? There is that whole theory that bullies are bullies because someone bullied them. So maybe they don’t think they are because they’re not bullying like their bullies have?

Thoughts? Opinions? 

It’s time to say Goodbye

I had a very Oprah, light-bulb, ah -uh moment over the weekend when I was trying to explain to someone about a past relationship, where it was the room mate who was abusive and bully to me, rather than my partner. However, my partner looked me dead in the face when I finally asked for help after having a shoe flown at my head “Please do something” I kid you not my then partner looked me in the face and said

“You deserve it and you have it coming”

As much as I hate it, and even though I left straight away after that comment, and it’s been years. That comment still stays with me. However, that’s for another post.

I met my “that partner” through mutual friends who were still my friends every after we broke up, but we are pretty much no longer friends. After thinking about it for a while I’ve come to realise that the reason my partners comments have shocked me less and less over the years is because of this group of “friends” It has recently occurred to me why my partner felt that was the best thing he could do. My ex-partner is such a chicken, like he’s definitely a weakling.For him, instead of doing anything, because he “had to live” with this guy, it was just easier to blame me. It’s occurred to me recently the entire group is like that.

I have un-followed all of them on my Facebook and have for nearly the whole year now. I am starting to think of unfriending them in the new year. I have been publicly humiliated because I didn’t want to date someone, I have been told that headbands look stupid on me. Someone told me something disrespectful about their sister and best friend, and yet I wasn’t invited to the party.

I have had my phone yanked out of my hand, checking up on a girlfriend, because that’s being rude and unsociable. Yet, the girl right next to them, was playing on her phone because she’s “bored”, the whole time I was being berated and being put down, she was there, playing on her phone, which is why I initially thought it’d be okay to check up on my girlfriend. That whole situation is an exact representation of my “friendship” with these people. They’ll treat what they think you’re worth. How is that not a form of emotional bullying, borderline psychological abuse?

With it coming up to New Years Eve and with people thinking about who they want to bring in the new year in, who they want to start off the year. Please, REALLY think about it. Think about being your own best friend. Please think about who you really truly believe in your gut who deserves to be with you on a brand new journey.

Disney Magic

So I found this series of pictures/memes on Facebook’s page Disney Memes (there’s a couple of these pages). Beauty and the Beast is probably my favourite Disney movie, but Lion King is a very close second. When I first watched the movie I was not aware of the whole history behind it, other than I got what it felt like not to fit in, like Belle. I recently wrote a post about how two people can the exact same thing and yet get treated completely differently (Find it here: Peas in a Pod)

These pictures are definitely an extension of that. Just recently for example, I had my 30th a couple of years ago and lot of people didn’t show up…Their reason? “We don’t dress up” Yet, just a couple of weeks this other person threw a costume party and ALL the people that used the excuse to me they weren’t coming to mine, went to this one AND dressed up. Still to my face are calling me a “friend”.

This group was probably the main reason I wanted to give up, not necessarily kill myself or anything, but becoming a Hermit was definitely a reality for me. I definitely like a monster and true friend would never make you feel like that. Belle has always been my favourite Disney princess because I can totally relate to her reality. I get called beautiful a lot and yet, have never fit in.

 

Share Your World

http://ceenphotography.com/2015/08/24/share-your-world-2015-week-34/

Was school easy or difficult for you? How so?

School was easy for me for years and then Year 6 happened and that was the first year I was ever bullied. This was luckily before cyber bullying was a “thing”, but it was still horrible. I had never had anything horrible to me before and it was a shock to my system.

What is your favorite animal?

Oh my goodness, I have a few favourites. I would have to say that overall my favourite would have to be Lions/Lionesses (you should see my room, I have more Lion things that comic/nerdy things. I have a whole “Pride” all brought from this company Schleich).

After watching the safari drive for months now, I have a few other “favourites”:

• Elephants
• Leopards
• Hyena
• Buffalo
• Kudu (they are so pretty!)

If you had to have your vision corrected would you rather: glasses or contacts?

Honestly it depends, there are some pretty cool looking glasses and contacts out there. It would depend on my mood,lol. Ultimately if I HAD to choose I would go with the contacts, mainly because everyone I know who has glasses seem to lose them a lot! They can become very expensive after awhile,lol

List:  Name at least five television shows (past or present) you enjoyed?

• Buffy/Angel (except for Angels last season)
• The Bill
• Doctor Who (Matt Smith is my “favourite” Doctor, I love them all though!)
• Just the whole of the crime channel pretty much,lol
• Key and Peele … Classic!lol

“I read comic books”…Why women hate “nerds”

“I read comic books”

As a general rule now I skim by a lot of the articles and twitter feeds that are on Facebook these days, because people are just dumb…and they get so comfortable and feel so righteous about everything, it is like people genuinely believe “Well that’s my opinion, so I’m right” and if anyone dares disagree or makes a good point, they should just “shut their traps”. No one wants to discuss things any-more, everyone just wants to be ‘right’.

That quote is what started my rant today. I was looking through some of the posts on Facebook about families who cosplay together and this made me smile, until I got to a picture of a mother and her two daughters dressed pretty much like Michelle Pfieffer “Catwoman”. One guy decided to write that he thought it was wrong to dress the little girls like “tramps”. A whole bunch of women (which lets be honest, is rare) started to defend the mother and her choice and saw nothing wrong with the outfits. I wasn’t going to say anything  until I saw this guy write about how these ladies should “shut their traps” and how he “read comics” so we couldn’t argue with him?

This guy is the exact example of why I, and a lot of my female friends, will NOT date nerds and geeks! As a general rule they are the worst, every nerd and geek that I have dated has treated me horribly. A great example of this is when I got out of an abusive relationships within a particularly nerdy group where I got bullied and hit by my ex-partners room-mate. As sometimes happens I had a one night stand with a guy (after we broke up)…Fast forward a week later I wake up to be publicly humiliated on Facebook by a group of guys “slut-shaming” me because how dare I have a one night stand and not date their “good guy” friend instead. God knows I want to get back into a group who think publicly humiliating a girl over something that isn’t any of their business and thinks that this is a really good idea to get their own way.

Funnily enough I don’t have anything to do with those guys any-more. Yet they still insist that they are a bunch of “good guys”. GOOD GUYS do NOT publicly humiliate people over things that are NONE of their business. A good guy would have gone and asked me why I had the one night, since I had never one before and it was completely out of character for me. I’ve seen a bunch of them who are over 30 humiliate a bunch of teenagers on Facebook because the teenagers didn’t agree with them.

Now I know that not all “nerds and geeks” are like this, but it seems to me the one that’s are completely into whatever their genre is in the gaming world, they seem to be the worse. If they have other interests or other friendship groups outside of the gaming world, they seem to be a lot better. A great example of this is the guy who all the other guys wanted me to date, by humiliating me. The actual guy started a hairdressing course and is friends with really lovely girls, he has since apologised and we are great friends. However, the guys who actually humiliated me are all still doing the same things and still acting and reacting in the same way. Literally nothing has changed.

#1000Speak against Bullying…

#1000Speak

So about a month ago I participated in a “Blog Challenge” so to speak with a group of another thousand Bloggers to write a post about Compassion….On the 20th of March they are doing it again, except this time we are writing about a very hot topic, Bullying and Bullies.
https://lolsyslibrary.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/1000/

At first I was wondering if I even wanted to really participate this time, I have been bullied and just this week felt that at the hands of a family member for another time. It was interesting though because it started to make me think, why is it always me who feels ashamed? These people have treated me appallingly bad with no actual good reason. Many, when I have confronted them, avoid the situation altogether, which is slightly ironic.

Then that started to make me think, 30 years of feeling badly about myself because of the words and actions of others who are beneath me…I am tired of it! Physically, emotionally and mentally I am tired, this week was the first week I actually told a bully to “get lost”. Then I started to look back at all the years I’ve been putting up with being bullied…NO ONE should have to do this! NO ONE should have to “put” up with it. Then I started to worry about all the people that are just “putting up with it”…This is for you…

You are not alone,
You are never alone,
Please never think you are alone,
YOU ARE LOVED…BY SO MANY!

We are all here for you,
All you have to do is reach out and grab our hands,
Grab on, hold on tight and we wont let go,
You are beautiful, you are sweet and you are kind.

That is something that they can never understand,
They can never fathom the kind of strength it takes to care,
They cannot understand that you are so perfectly, wonderfully, different,
They are scared of what they do not understand and what they can never be…They don’t have the guts to be who they truly want to be.

They see something in you that they wish they had. After 30 years of being bullied, this is something I know, something that I understand.

 
(Please click the picture above to be taken the #1000Speak twitter page)

Odd one out…

Last night my best friend came in from Interstate. I have about three female best friends and ironically I could probably pick a “Sex in the City” character for each one of us (I would be the Charlotte in the group…but probably more after being influenced by Samantha). The interesting thing about my little groups of girlfriend is…I am the only single one.

Last night was fun and we talked and giggled a lot, but it was hard to hear about the problems they were having, especially when their guys are completely nuts about them. They are mostly things that they knew could be an issue later. I think that’s the hardest thing about being single, especially when you are the only one, is listening to how bad a friends relationships is, when it really isn’t and that they knew this issue would be coming up later.

I would LOVE a man who was devoted to me, who had my back, who talked to me, who tried to cheer me up when I am down. I have always had the opposite in my life. I have always had the guy who never had my back, including watching me get bullied mentally and physically by his roommate, the one who’d rather play a computer game then take care of me the night my grandfather dies, would rather spend Valentine’s Day with his friends than me.

I don’t get into relationships a lot, in fact, after 30 years I have only been in three relationships. My main problem is once I find that guy, I jump right in, and instead of letting it build up slowly and making sure that I am not falling for a façade. Except if I knew about a major issue, like children, marriage, career plans are likely to become an issue later I would never get into that relationship. I seem to find a lot that I am the only one like that. A lot of girls will get into a relationship to be in a relationship and that’s when the problems start.

True, I have nights where I feel so alone that I hold onto that pillow like I never have before…but I also know that one of the worst feelings in this world is feeling completely alone while you have someone lying right next to you.

Am I the only one who might WANT a relationship, but don’t feel like I NEED one? Am I the only odd one out…I would rather be alone, than feel alone.