Ghosting

Ghosting in the dating world, is a really sneaky and cowardly thing to do someone. I should know, the last guy I dated before my current partner, did it too me.

Ghosting someone in the dating world, usually means, that one of the parties just cuts off all contact with someone. Usually the people have known each other for a while, or at least, early dating for a while. It’s not like a couple of dates and that’s it. That’s ghosting someone is so frowned upon.

What made me unhappy about my particular situation, was that I had been friends with the guy for a long time, but because of the age gap (me being older) I kept saying no. Then within a month of me saying “Okay, let’s give this a go”. He ghosted me one weekend. It was the first time I had felt old and used, and an old fool. Funnily enough, a co-worker, younger than me was going through the exact same thing. She had known a guy for ages, kept saying no, she didn’t want anything serious. Within a month of them starting to date, he ghosted her too!

No one really knows why someone ghosts someone, there’s always a different reason. Sometimes it’s just the thrill of the chase, they actually met someone else and don’t want the drama. Sometimes it is just genuinely because they’re not interested anymore.

I can’t answer for my “guy”, there have been some theories. That I’ve even talked about with my current partner. Mainly because I want him to answer for all men (hahaha) totally kidding. He’s never ghosted someone before and he finds that behaviour odd, lol. It really is. It was just a coincidence that myself and another girl were going through it together.

Here are the good things about being ghosted:

EVERYTHING

It might hurt and they wont ever tell you what really happened. I still honestly believe that I was a bet, between him and his friends. YOU ARE LUCKY!

Get yourself a partner that will think it’s odd to ghost someone.

Remind yourself, that you have escaped a total and utter cowardly lion. Because you really have. What kind of person chases someone for months, sometimes nearly a year. Gets who they actually want, and I don’t mind humbling saying a lot want me, same with this other girl too. Just to essentially run away after a month?

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Life Lessons…The hardest of Lessons

This is a little different post for “Life Lessons of the Libraries” and I feel like it’s one of the hardest lessons to learn and I am learning it again…For the millionth times.

Sometimes I feel like heartbreak in a romantic relationship is more than a majority of the time, inevitable. The breaking of a friendship though can sometimes be if not just as hard, but sometimes harder than the break down of a romantic relationship. Clearly there are different variables.

I seem to be going through this with some friends who I thought I was really close with. They just seem to have cut themselves off from me and any-time that I plan to meet up with them, they keep cancelling. The biggest insult is when they’ll hang out with people I introduced them too!

I think the hardest things about these situations is you never seen them coming. You think you are really close and then suddenly you are completely blind-sided. Which is why I find friendship breakups really hard, because you very rarely see them coming. Especially when you are getting dumped for a group of people who are just horrible. Case example, Girls brother comes up to me (guys have been dumping me to be with this girl) and I feel uncomfortable talking to her brother about it. Except he says “They only like girls who can’t think for themselves”…That was the last time I saw that group. However, it’s kind of personally insulting to me to be dumped for a group like that -.- Where siblings have no respect for each other.

A year ago today…

I am not sure how many of my readers have a Facebook, but on Facebook ever so randomly they have this “app” called “TimeHop” and what it does is it allows brings up a post from say a year ago from today or 5 years ago and you can post it onto your Facebook. I don’t actually have this app on my Facebook, but it still randomly shares posts and today it decided to share a post today. Reminding me that a year ago I broke up with my ex.

One of my roughest break ups ever for myself personally. My ex had been chasing me for months and then when I finally decided to break down and say “Yes” it moved very quickly and then it was over a month later. It wasn’t just over but my ex treated me very cruelly afterwards as well and honestly I still believe, till this day that he never cared. I hated the song by “A Great Big World, feat Christina Aguilera” … “Say Something” because that’s pretty much what happened. He wanted to break up and then refused to talk to me and decided, of all the friends he had, to go and tell the first person we had broken up, the person who hated me the most? The guy was horrible to me….Obviously. Made no sense.

A year ago

I never thought that I could trust someone, let alone love someone ever again.

Yet, here I am a year later and I am in love with someone who is like the most incredible person I have ever met and takes such good care of me. I can’t even explain how happy he makes me. He’s honestly also the first boyfriend I’ve had that actually makes me feel he really wants me around. That is SUCH ¬†an unusual feeling for me and sometimes it still makes me a little sad that it’s taken me this long to find someone who treats me like that =/

It amazes me where my life has taken me since this day. I never thought that a year later I would be here. Stronger, happier, feeling more fulfilled. When I think about how I felt and how long it took for me to trust my current partner, it still astounds me that I am here.

Retail Therapy

The last couple of months I have hit the retail therapy HARD CORE! I mean generally there is always some kind of retail therapy for me after a breakup, but I have been getting rid of so many old clothes and getting new gorgeous ones. It is a necessary function that needs to be performed after every single break up…No matter how nice or nasty!

It is interesting though what people decide to buy after a break up. When I was younger I used to buy plush toys and I still actually have them all and I have no bad feelings towards any of them. As I’ve gotten older though I buy clothes more now and I buy things that I’ve been wanting for a while but never got around too.

What do you buy after a breakup? What makes you feel better? Is it buying bad food (sometimes I do that…Nice juicy bad burger~.^) is it watching “bad” movies? Is it just being around family and friends?.

retail therapy

Dear Me,

(So I wrote this is when I had an overwhelming feeling of anger towards my ex and I was never going to share it, but I think that a lot of people would understand where I am coming from and I had this thought that when I do meet the ‘right one’ for me. All this anger that I feel I am going to feel so ashamed of because I let some…idiot…nearly ruin any chance I have of falling in love again).

Dear You,

It’s okay to feel angry, it is truly alright. Just make sure that you learn and you try understand that not everyone you meet, a much as it seems to suck, will be around in your life forever. Some of them do not realise the potential that is there, and that is okay too. They need to learn to make their own mistakes and one day they will understand what they have done and what you had. This doesn’t mean you need or should feel like you want them back in your life, as long as they learn and never do this to anyone else ever again.

Just please promise me this, do not let this break you, do not let this make you hard and bitter. There are so many out there that look too you to make this day a little more magical, a much more fun place to be in. Yes, he is a moron who just easily threw away an amazingly rare thing. This does not mean that finding that amazingly rare thing will not happen for you again. Believe it, you know it will exist again, I know that you feel it here in the deepest depths of me, I know you feel, don’t ever lose that.

Someone like you was never ever meant to end up alone. There is nothing wrong, even in this day and age, to want the one who has your back, the one who will still love you even in the darkest places of your heart, there is nothing wrong with wanting the one who makes your heart smile, the one that even during Winter, will keep you warm and safe, even when they can’t be there, the one who will warm our soul. Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with being single while you find this one, you do not have to date anybody you don’t want too (though we both know it’d much easier that way).

Take these moments day-by-day, hour-by-hour, if you have too. I know it hurts so much right now and you fought so hard just to have it all disappear like it was worth not a thing. I know that you are wishing with all of your heart he had left you alone earlier, or that you had just never met him at all. I know that he has torn, clawed and scratched at every single dream, word and feeling that ever happened.

You will get through this. You will meet someone who will just make your heart dance and your mind sing. All of this will be yours, I promise you. You just cannot let this make you bitter. Your heart is so full of life and love and it is just waiting to burst open with everything that you have to give. Please, do not let this make you bitter and make your heart turn into a well of cement.

Love Always,

Your Heart

Uploaded on 27 Jun 2011