What do you do after?

I think one of the most difficult things about a break up and what you do afterwards, is, what do you do with all the gifts afterwards? If you’re going to keep them, or anything, how long do you hold on, and how do you determine which things are items that you want to hold onto?

letting-go-breakup

I had one ex who had kept…well pretty much everything…I am always wary of a person who has SO many things of their past relationship. That that person could literally walk back into the door and it was like they were never gone. I think what was also a red flag was when my ex told me that he had left angry, which had meant he had to go back and get all of her things, clothing, empty paint bottles, even some adult toys. That is having far too many things of your ex’s. You have to let at least some things go.

However, I also think it’s okay to keep a couple of things, but it all depends on the individual. Some people do have trouble letting go and will use the items left behind as a way to keeping holding on. I once had a box that had bits and bobs and over the years it’s gotten less and less as I’ve thrown out more and more. Some of the things that I have held onto are items that are hopeless hopes that my ex’s weren’t complete douche-bags, and that I hadn’t made such horrible choices.

I think the weirdest thing I have ever seen an ex hold onto was the adult toy. For various reasons, firstly is just crept me out. His ex girlfriend bought it for herself, so he didn’t even buy it for her, she bought it for her. The reason they broke up was because she was constantly cheating on him. How could you take a adult toy, without knowing whether or not she used with those others? That and it’s just gross. His friends know all about this particular toy and seemed almost shocked when asked if I had ever used it and I said “HELL TO THE NO!”…Are they kidding?

 Have you kept anything from a past relationship? Only feel comfortable sharing if you want, if you have, why? Do you have an issue with current partners keeping items from an ex? What’s the weirdest thing an ex or yourself has ever kept?

What do I do now?

So you’ve broken up with someone and you’ve gone through the whole “Why don’t they love me?” the drinking and the crying and the eating the really bad food. What next? I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced it. There’s always a moment for me when I’ve gotten through all the bad stuff and I’m over it all. I think that’s the danger moment, when you can so easily fall back into a pattern.

We always hear about when we first break up with someone how hard it is and then how you’ll get through. What about that first moment when you realise, you are alright. Not the going to be moment, but…the moment…

It’s such a lost feeling you’ve been wrapped up in these feelings and emotions for so long and even with a short break up, a hard breakup can take a lot out of out. Yet, you’re not quite at the “I am SO over you” moment. You may not be over that person yet, but you know you’ll be alright.

Mind Flip

So I am going my first date with a second guy that I met on the online dating site and I have already set-up a second date with the first guy I met online. I’m a little worried because I still like the first guy that I met on the online dating and he was actually the reason that I joined the site in the first place.

I have never really had to reject someone where there has been the promise of dating before. I’ve had to reject people I’ve known for a while, but not someone I haven’t known for a while. I mean the second guy seems alright, but I am just not clicking with him and I do not want to lead him on. Oh the confusion of dating!

datingmeme

The other thing that I have been finding really interesting though is my total and utter mind flip on my ex, it’s been amazing! There is that saying though “Hindsight and 20/20” and they are cliches for a reason I guess! It just feels like my mind has done a huge 360. I really don’t care…Finding out certain things and really sitting down to think about it, I don’t think my ex cared about me at all!

Not in a vicious way, I just don’t really think that he ever really got to know the real me. He has no idea who I really am. Plus I think when you really can’t tell who a person is and who they genuinely like as a human being, there is no way that that is a good sign!

Feeling Good!

Retail Therapy

The last couple of months I have hit the retail therapy HARD CORE! I mean generally there is always some kind of retail therapy for me after a breakup, but I have been getting rid of so many old clothes and getting new gorgeous ones. It is a necessary function that needs to be performed after every single break up…No matter how nice or nasty!

It is interesting though what people decide to buy after a break up. When I was younger I used to buy plush toys and I still actually have them all and I have no bad feelings towards any of them. As I’ve gotten older though I buy clothes more now and I buy things that I’ve been wanting for a while but never got around too.

What do you buy after a breakup? What makes you feel better? Is it buying bad food (sometimes I do that…Nice juicy bad burger~.^) is it watching “bad” movies? Is it just being around family and friends?.

retail therapy

Always here too me…

I promise that I will stop posting the depressing blog posts about break ups soon, I have a slight feeling that I am feeling a little better. I have stopped talking to my ex, cold turkey. He didn’t do anything wrong I just realised that I was not moving on and so far this actually seems to be working. I was just having this random thought and at the moment I’m not really sure that I even know how to talk to my friends and family about it, mainly because I am worried if I let them know how I’m feeling, they will become worried and there’s nothing to worry about. So I guess what I’m saying any advice would be much appreciated! (Am I glad or what my ex can’t see this either!lol)

This is the first break up that I have ever had where I feel truly alone. I feel a huge part of me is missing. It took me a long time to let my guard down with my ex and when I did, I fell pretty darn quickly after that. He became such a huge part of my life in such a big way in a short amount of time and I’m not even sure any-more what he was actually feeling. He made feel the happiest and the safest that I have ever felt before and now I have the hopeless feeling that he may have never cared for me as strongly as I felt for him. I’m tired of asking him if he did care about me, because why would he say no for? He’d be too terrified to tell me anything else,lol.

In all honesty, in thirty years, I have never felt like this after a break up. Sometimes it is extremely distressing and I completely zone out and pay no attention to what is going on around me (I nearly got hit by a car the other day). Has anyone else ever gone through this? Can you give any advice on how to help me through? What are some steps that I could take to get through this.

Cheers!*

*Update* I had this post scheduled and since then I am no longer in contact with my ex in anyway and have no plans of that changing shortly, but I would still appreciate the advice!

 

Seldomly the right thing…

The quote for this week isn’t actually from a well known author or a well known character…This is a quote that I thought of a couple of days ago while I was volunteering and it just resonated with my situation this week =)

“Very seldom does the right thing to do, feel like the right thing to do, and is usually the very last thing that you want to do”

Author – Lolsys Library 2014

What If?…

Once again going with my music video theme for this week…This is a song I repeatedly listen too and have for many years. I think that a lot of others can relate to this song and Kate Winslet doesn’t, surprisingly, sound too bad. I think though, if a lot of people knew who this songs relates too for myself, they would be very shocked…Because it is not any of my past boyfriends. Whenever I am having a rough time with a partner, or a potential partner I somehow always stumble over this song.

Uploaded on 19 Feb 2010

Artist – Kate Winslet
Title – What If

Record Company – EMI Records