30 Days of Gratitude…Days 1 – 7

Day 1: New Hope  – Today was a weird day as originally I had a full day and night full of things to do and then over the last couple of weeks there became rapidly less to do, till finally all I had left to do was to attend a wedding ceremony which was only lasting an hour. Watching this lovely young couple made me realise how much I want to get married with the right person at the right time.

Then it occurred to me that I am not bitter towards my ex, or indeed any ex or any past relationship. “It is better to have a broken heart, than no heart at all” as my favourite Doctor in the whole wide world says. It was then that it occurred to me that I am so grateful to have heart that has gone through so much and yet it is so full of love. Whereas I have seen so many that turn bitter and cold and you can see how it is destroying their lives. I am grateful for my heart.

Day 2: My Mum – I know this sounds like a really sappy one, but it’s the truth! I have a great Mum! I realised this as she was picking me up from a far away place so I didn’t have to taxi back. I have decided to surprise her and take my Learners as a special Christmas present to her (I have to pass obviously). So it’s going to be a secret until I’ve passed. It may not seem like much to a lot of people, but I know how much it’ll mean to my Mum =D I’m hoping to have passed it by the end of this month, so I can show her right at the beginning of December. I am grateful that I have such a caring mother.

Day 3: A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met – I haven’t written friends or best friends because sometimes it can be people who we don’t know very well that can surprise us the most. Take today for example, I had a unexpected break down in feeling like a failure because I don’t feel like I am progressing through this year as I would have liked. I expected by the end of this year that I was going to have my dream job and my dream man. I have come SO close to having both and lost both through no fault of my own. Today though I had a bit of a break down on Facebook and I received this message from someone who I added but haven’t spoke too, and they sent me a private message about how they were shocked with how much I thought that I was failing. They let me know that it was sad to read because I send such a positive message on Facebook and they had no idea how badly I had been feeling. We had a good chat and I was so grateful that someone reached out when I needed a good chat the most.

Day 4: Volunteer Work – I am just grateful for the volunteer work that I’ve been allowed to do. My co-workers believe in me so much that they keep giving me different tasks to do and it makes my Library skills so much stronger. I wonder how much responsibility would they give me, if I was just a casual worker? I love where I volunteer and I am grateful to my co-workers to inspire me and remind of the hard work I put in, especially when I’ve given up on myself. When I feel like I am getting nowhere in my work, this reminds me of how much better I’m becoming.

Day 5: The Laughs – So I am having a really hard time with a project, it just never seems to end and in the middle of “about to blow my own mind up” a friend sent me a picture that made me laugh really loudly (in a cafe =S) I am so grateful for friends that don’t just ignore when I say “I’m about to explode” and they ignore…They actually try to make me laugh. Sometimes all I need is that 5 minutes of pure laughter. I am also doubly grateful that over this entire last year I have found those friends..SO much gratefulness!

Day 6: My ex – What a weird concept to be grateful for an ex! My first love (we’ll name him Reno) and I were together for about 3 years, the break up wasn’t really messy between us. However, there was a girl who created a lot of problems and it ended up badly. After a few years though we reconnected and now he is one of my best friends and I am so grateful for that! He keeps proving to me that he knows me better than anyone and gives me amazing guy advice. The last couple of months have been rough for me and he never seems to be mind when I get upset with men in general. I’ve been talking to him this past week and he knows not to keep going on about my last ex, but he keeps a conversation going. I realised a lot of people only seem to talk to me when they think I’m down rather than just having a normal conversation (or when they want something). Not Reno though, I didn’t realise until I started thinking about this whole grateful thing. Sometimes a “normal conversation” can be just what I need, so not everything is still about “him”.

Day 7: Books – It felt like such a funny thing to be grateful about. I am so grateful that I have had a good education to read the books that I enjoy. There are so many people out there that do not have the some luxuries that I have been able to have in my life. One of these is a good education which means that I am able to read the books that I enjoy and love so much. That gives my mind a break from the “real world”.

Grateful1

Dear Me,

(So I wrote this is when I had an overwhelming feeling of anger towards my ex and I was never going to share it, but I think that a lot of people would understand where I am coming from and I had this thought that when I do meet the ‘right one’ for me. All this anger that I feel I am going to feel so ashamed of because I let some…idiot…nearly ruin any chance I have of falling in love again).

Dear You,

It’s okay to feel angry, it is truly alright. Just make sure that you learn and you try understand that not everyone you meet, a much as it seems to suck, will be around in your life forever. Some of them do not realise the potential that is there, and that is okay too. They need to learn to make their own mistakes and one day they will understand what they have done and what you had. This doesn’t mean you need or should feel like you want them back in your life, as long as they learn and never do this to anyone else ever again.

Just please promise me this, do not let this break you, do not let this make you hard and bitter. There are so many out there that look too you to make this day a little more magical, a much more fun place to be in. Yes, he is a moron who just easily threw away an amazingly rare thing. This does not mean that finding that amazingly rare thing will not happen for you again. Believe it, you know it will exist again, I know that you feel it here in the deepest depths of me, I know you feel, don’t ever lose that.

Someone like you was never ever meant to end up alone. There is nothing wrong, even in this day and age, to want the one who has your back, the one who will still love you even in the darkest places of your heart, there is nothing wrong with wanting the one who makes your heart smile, the one that even during Winter, will keep you warm and safe, even when they can’t be there, the one who will warm our soul. Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with being single while you find this one, you do not have to date anybody you don’t want too (though we both know it’d much easier that way).

Take these moments day-by-day, hour-by-hour, if you have too. I know it hurts so much right now and you fought so hard just to have it all disappear like it was worth not a thing. I know that you are wishing with all of your heart he had left you alone earlier, or that you had just never met him at all. I know that he has torn, clawed and scratched at every single dream, word and feeling that ever happened.

You will get through this. You will meet someone who will just make your heart dance and your mind sing. All of this will be yours, I promise you. You just cannot let this make you bitter. Your heart is so full of life and love and it is just waiting to burst open with everything that you have to give. Please, do not let this make you bitter and make your heart turn into a well of cement.

Love Always,

Your Heart

Uploaded on 27 Jun 2011