It’s an interesting way they way I feel these days. I had a random thought about it on the bus. These days I am still surprised when people let me down, or stab in the back or even chuck me for a “different model”. Yet somehow I am not disappointed any-more. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, or have I been hurt that much?
My life keeps going even when my circle becomes smaller. Years ago that would have really devastated me, but these days I feel like it makes me happier, because then I know who is really apart of my life. Who is really there for me because of me, who really is apart of my life and is encouraging me in my life to get better and stronger every day.
Talking with the girls (as one does) and we were talking about which ex’s do we regret the most. I’m not sure that I actually regret any of my past relationships, however there is one relationship that has an interesting way to view it and I wonder if I am alone in this.
My last relationship I felt like he was lying so much about who he was, that he never knew who I was. To me there is not way that he could possibly have cared about the real me, because if you don’t know who a person is…How can you possibly know what can hurt them? How would you know what they would consider to be a betrayal?
I put it down to this, it was like dating an actor, but dating their amazing fictional character and then realising, disappointingly, you were dating this whole other real reality. It’s the best way that I can think of to explain my last relationship. I think that’s why I find it so hard to get over what happened…Who did I date? Did I date the man, or the character?Any ways…Don’t matter no more ~.^ hehe
As you probably have guessed (and from me blogging about it constantly) I have broken up with my last ‘beau’.
We were at that stage when we were both “Lets be friends” and everything was hunky dorey and we kept telling each other how much we missed each other…and then…One of us (i.e. him) decided to do something stupid and I found out about it (mainly because his friend posted it on his Facebook account). So now we’re at the “don’t speak to me ever again” point.
I’m not sure why this seems to happen to me, but my ex’s always tend to run straight to the person (their friend) who made my life the most horrible/miserable. So the first thing that happens is this person makes sure that I am aware of this. I have no idea why this seems to happen to me every single break up (and I am not exaggerating). On the plus side though it makes letting go THAT much easier. I honestly believe who you CHOOSE to be friends with, no matter how much you may “claim” not respect or like them. If you hang around people…Doesn’t that make YOU much worse than them? At least they are truly being the morons everyone believes them too be.
This is something that I have struggled with every single break up. I am sitting there defending them to my friends and family (when necessary) and yet my ex’s run to the people who hurt me the most, while claiming they have no respect for them? Pretty much (to me at least) proving what truly kind of person you are? If you choose to hang out with someone who uses a private medical condition as a weapon to hurt someone, makes up stories that you tell everyone else EXCEPT the person you are actually apparently mad at and passively aggressively cut out your so-called “life-long best friends” and that’s who choose to be with…You, my ex-friend, have everything coming to you.
Even as I am writing this my views are constantly changing…Now I am at “I don’t even care…I always remember how you chose them over me…Too have a deep and meaningful, you have to be deep and meaningful to begin with -.-“…
Uploaded on 12 Jan 2009
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Music video by Katy Perry performing Thinking of You. (C) 2008 Capitol Music Group, a division of Capitol Records, LLC