I am never going to be able to say this to you face to face, mainly because I know you are too much of a coward to ever apoligise to my face. And quiet frankly I don’t think your narcissism would ever allow to own up to what you did.
I just want to say thank you, the only time I became “angry” was when I realised how much of my life had been wasted by someone like you. When I started to realise, that entire time had been only about you and your “dramas”. There was nothing to miss, I wasn’t sad, I was a little mad. How could I have not seen, in that much time, you had made no impact in my life, like, at all. Yes, you’re fun, but so are other people. I did not even see it happen, my problems, my drama’s, just…were invisible too you.
The reason I want to say thank you, because if you think I am going to waste YEARS again, you are all so wrong. Oh my god, that is never going happen ever again. My life is about me now =D Not someone’s else’s fake dramas. You can lie about me too me all you want, I is just going to laugh in your face (well with a mask on at least).
Before I was going to write individually on each of these last few days what I was grateful for, but it’s been such a crazy week that I have decided to leave these last few days and write what I’m most grateful in one big go…So here I go…
I have decided that I NEED to change my life. After months of going back and forth with my last ex, I realised I didn’t trust him any-more, especially not the way that I did once. I have to take my ownership in that. I don’t think that he was a bad person, but I needed to be more sensible in the choice that I was making. I needed to ask him hard questions before we started dating. Which started making me think about all of my past relationships and question why they have thought it was alright to treat me the way they did, when they don’t do it to anyone else? What made them look into the eyes of someone they were supposed to have loved and cared about and go “You’re going to get hurt by this and I don’t care”?
I have decided that I am too hard on myself. I trip myself up by worrying to much about how everyone else is feeling and doing and then I end up putting myself on the back burner. So then I don’t achieve all the things that I needed to, to get anywhere in this life. This includes family, friends, everything aspect of my life. Even if my family don’t think I cook, when I cook a lot (sorry I don’t put everything I make on Facebook *rolls eyes*) Doesn’t mean I have to stop cooking things I enjoy cooking.
I think that the hardest thing in this life is to be grateful for yourself. Its you who gets you through those tough days ultimately. Your mind, your body, your spirit. Its yourself who chooses to step up and take care of yourself.