Trans Awareness Week

My little life for #TransAwarenessWeek There is a trans woman, I did not know for years is trans. I also know a lesbian whose engaged to a trans man and a lesbian whose dating a trans woman. Such a “fuss” I can fit it all in one tweet, lol. Its just not a deal in my life.

Also just want to say being a cis woman during #TransAwarenessWeek I have learnt so much about bodies, science and importantly #language from trans people. How it changes, how it has never stayed the same. How beautiful it is when used properly, and I don’t mean just grammar. I suspect that a lot of transphobic leaders know perfectly well what they’re doing. They know perfectly well the language they use, is only used to hurt and harm. Which is why when people start coming around, don’t let them forget it.

I have to admit I do laugh a lot when transphobes in particular, think that trans people, non-binary people DON’T know anything about sex. Apart from those in the medical and health industry, I would trust trans people more than others to understand how our bodies and sex works. They’re living it every single day.

When I started to write about my little life on Twitter. The first thing I was hit with was about the rape crisis center’s thing again. I am going to give credit too only two TERFs here. You can, in fact, apply for a female only crisis center, it just makes sense, right? I know of at least two TERFs who tried to raise money for them. The TERFs decided they wanted to sue Stonewall instead. The amount of centers Rowling could raise on her OWN, but CHOSE to sue Stonewall.

So, don’t come at me with “what about those women who want same sex crisis centers” You can literally raise the money for one yourselves, so clearly NOT that big of a deal for them. I’m not even going to start with jails/prisons. That’s a big topic.

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Intersex Awareness Day

Oh my goodness! Intersex people get forgotten a lot. So they need all the days and time that they can get! Let’s give them our time, they are human too after all.

Once again, I’ll just remind anyone reading this, that I am cis gender straight woman. So if I write something wrong, or get something incorrect, please let me know. I write from a place of privilege and I acknowledge that.

Intersex Flag: The flag was designed by Morgan Carpenter.

The Progress Pride Flag.

Intersex is a general term used for a variety of situations in which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the boxes of “female” or “male.” Sometimes doctors do surgeries on intersex babies and children to make their bodies fit binary ideas of “male” or “female”. Doctors always assign intersex babies a legal sex (male or female, in most states), but, just like with non-intersex people, that doesn’t mean that’s the gender identity they’ll grow up to have.

There are currently around 30-40 variations of Intersex.

Now clearly from my upper paragraph. The biggest issue that Intersex people have are Doctors getting the “okay” to do unnecessary surgery on newborns, from the parents. The fact that a lot of intersex infants don’t get to have a choice later on in life. Their body and their choices are taken over by others, before they can even speak, about where THEY think they “fit”.

But activism by and for intersex people is growing, leading to some changes in our culture, which right now treats intersex as a medical problem instead of a natural, healthy way bodies can be. Today, more and more people believe unnecessary surgery and other medical interventions shouldn’t be done on intersex babies and children at all. Instead, intersex people should be able to decide for themselves when they’re older if they want treatment or surgery.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/sex-gender-identity/whats-intersex

I’m not really sure what to write about, because, again, I am not intersex and so I just don’t feel comfortable writing about “facts” so to speak. What I will write about though is how you can help the Intersex community, and I will also post some links you can find out how you can help yourself.

1. Research what you can, and listen to Intersex people. Now, like with any group, I have seen close minded Intersex people, who go out of their way to harm the trans community (as a example). With any researching and listen, make sure you listen to more than one person.
2. Intersex Human Rights Australia
3. Respect how a Intersex person, determines for themselves, to be who they are.
4. A low-range statistic for traits evident at birth is around 1 in 2,000 people (.05% of births) but a more likely figure may be closer to 1.7%. Roughly the same amount of people with red hair.
5. Being Intersex is not a health issue. Intersex people, have a healthy body. The biggest issue is with fertility.
6. Some Intersex people do and some do not find the term “hermaphrodite” offensive.
7. Some are LGBT and some are not.
8. Intersex people are just regular people, as you or I. The only way it is a mental health issue, is from the shame that Intersex people may experience.

What is Intersex? Planned Parenthood (America)

Affirm the: 2017 Darlington Statement (Australia)

Its Intersex Awareness Day – here are 5 myths we need to shatter (Amnesty International)

SOGIESC Unit: Fact sheet on Intersex Person Rights (South Africa)

You are not…

I know that by writing this post, I am writing to the “converted” here.

Over the past weekend, I encountered a couple of odd people, who tweeted odd things. The first thing being a person who says they’re all about “free speech”, kept blocking people, who were not only giving them constructive criticism. But blocking those, who have defended them in the past, because they gave them constructive criticism. The funny thing is, this person has been doing it to everyone, lol.

The second was TERF telling us cis women, that they can’t believe how aligned we are with the Patriarchy, and how we don’t see it. Now this came after they AGAIN, asked us to define women. Which is quiet honestly, getting just boring now. When we do give answers they don’t want to listen to the answers, so they say we never answer them.

Now, the reason when I found this “feminist” so funny. Is because, if you know any TERFs. You know that they define woman, as what a English dictionary, defined by a man, is written as. At this time, I am still waiting to my reply of “So TRA’s are for the patriarchy, because we don’t think people should stick with the rigid/black and white definitions, people should be and define themselves. But you’re not for the patriarchy, because you want to stick with rigid/black and white definitions, that men created.”

Special Sunday…World Mental Health Day!

Mental Health can affect anyone, of any age and at anytime.

I have read two of these books…So I can attest that they are really good and really helpful. You don’t even need a self help book to to read. You can read any book. That’s what is so awesome about reading!

World Mental Health Day — 5 Books to Help you with your Mental Health – Online: City Girl Network

I am going to be streaming later on today ❤ Lady Lolsy – Twitch. I wish I had a bigger audience, I could do donations for a mental health charity.

Anyway…

I actually had a really bad mental health day on Thursday, this week. I know perfectly why it happened, but I am still so embarrassed about it. There’s a job I applied for, I assumed and I’ve had a interview, where I realised how wrong I was about the job. I swear, everything they said, it just got worse and worse. So I was trying to put them off, but then they want me to come in for a work trial! The morning of, I just couldn’t get myself out of bed.

The only way I even fell asleep that night, was honestly by holding the “hands” of the these three. I lay on one and held onto the other two.

Name a more iconic trio

People who cannot see who they are

Do any of you have a friend or family member on Facebook or Twitter, or even Instagram. When you read this next bit, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I believe that we all have at least one friend or family member who does this.

So, I have a friend, a male friend, who complained about health and medical services changing the term “women” to pregnant people. He also complained about the Dr Seuss company choosing to stop publishing the racists Dr Seuss’s. You know the stories that no one really has read and no one knows about anyway.

In one day (many days after he called the world “time to get off the crazy bus”) I log on and he’s played one of those FB games, where they “guess” your personality type games. The one he chose to post said how he “hates” petty drama and everyone was calling it spot on…Surprisingly though, not his sister. Who normally likes a lot of stuff his posts. Later on in the day, I saw him comment on a post that said “What do you think is the worst thing that mankind has ever (come up with) or (invented)…I can’t remember which one”. I said “mankind” (haha)…he said “Judgement”…I CRACKED UP!

Does this make you think of someone that you know? Haha

I know I’m not perfect, and have my flaws. I judge, I have…well, when a white van rolls up next to me, I get scared. Even though that person probably doesn’t even think about anything like that. I would say that I have a healthy amount of self-esteem. I am definitely kinder than others, but you know how people will say re: “good guys”. If you are a actual good guy, you don’t need to tell anyone.

That’s how I feel about myself. It may not be very “lady like” to know that I’m a kinder person than a lot of people out there. But...BUT...I also read a lot of kind bloggers on here too. I know that I am open minded, but I am also aware that I sometimes make judgements on people on first look…or smell, in some cases. Also though my judgement, may not be a usual judgment either, as I’m sure you all can relate. Take someone with a very apparent physical disability. A lot of people appear to get uncomfortable. I will always make a effort to talk and interact with them like they’re a human being…Because they are. And I am not sorry, but white people with dreadlocks, just looks stupid. I think natural hair on POC is absolutely beautiful, and I do not simply understand, at all. Why some people think that POC natural hair is “gross”. I love it!

*whispers* I judge stupid people…Hahahaha

I don’t need to post a Facebook post to prove that either, I just do.

I do like doing those Facebook games though, for fun. They can be quiet funny and not like yourself at all, haha.

You’re a liar if you say you’ve never judged, lol. We might get better as we get older, and start to “care less” so to speak. You know you do it, lol

R U Okay and Teddy Bear Day

September the 9th is not only RUOK Day in Australia, but it’s also Teddy Bear Day. So on September the 9th, hug your teddy today if you’re not okay.

If you do need a “day” to ask people if they’re okay … I don’t know how to end that without saying the word “prat” lol.

RUOkay day, is a day to bring out suicide awareness.

R U Ok? –

Now if you need to borrow a teddy bear, you can borrow one of mine…But note how I said *borrow* lol

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R U OK?

Okay…Okay…Okay, lol

Okay, so the world is pretty…fucked at the moment … Cuse my french, haha.

Remember always put yourself first. Put your family first. Put your mental health first.

I’m going to list what I do to help with my mental health, and please free to add on in the comments! Also, feel free not too, lol.

• Feel free to block anyone, on any social media platforms. Even friends and family! I recently started to block accounts on Twitter that they and I are on the same page as. They were making rules for what people could tweet, quote and screenshot their tweets on. I was just sitting there thinking to myself “I am not going through every single twitter account to see what individual rules are”. If you don’t want to tweet something for people to see, you can make your profile protected. You can do all sorts of things. Whose got time to go through all the twitter accounts and see what that people’s rules are.
• Don’t feel bad if you don’t want to go on a platform, but you do and then you get sucked down that rabbit hole. It literally happens to everyone. You soon learn quickly to not do it.
• The biggest issue I personally have is knowing when to give myself a “cheat day”. Sometimes unexpected things happen, it’s life. But you may have planned to have “chillaxed day”. I find having a back up plan helps often. So when something doesn’t work out, then you can say to yourself “that’s okay”.
• Reminding yourself its okay, because it is okay to not succeed. Sometimes not having that day off, not passing that project, not passing that exam, is actually okay. A lot of successful people, fail several times before they succeed.
• Also remind yourself, when you do fail (because you will) that it is totally okay. Even if you have to remind yourself several times. Because it is okay. I didn’t get the marks I needed to do a Acting Degree with a University and I don’t regret it. I’ve had a good life, and you don’t always need a degree to act anyway…Maybe with Shakespeare. The “funny” thing about that was, the media class was marked in half of whatever I got (long story, it was a SAS class though). If I had done it under a PAS class, and got the marks I did, I would have gone to University. So life is funny like that.

Please, remember them.

As much as I am a fan of a good conspiracy theory. I think we need to be careful with spreading them when it comes to Jeffrey Esptein and remember that people, children, that Esptein hurt… Are now grown ups…Possibly still children. They’ve lived with this for years and now justice is being slowly taken away from them. Just be careful in these times ❤

You are Enough – Mandy Hale – Days 8-14

You are Enough – Mandy Hale 30 Day challenge

Day 8: Also in Chapter Five, I talk about unanswered prayers and how they can often be the biggest blessings in disguise. Share an unanswered prayer of your own and how it helped you see that sometimes God’s “no” is the most gracious answer of all.

The thing is I think you don’t realise that he’s said “No” until you realise. If that makes any sense? Kind of like hindsight in a way. I’ve also though never really prayed, I feel like a hypocrite if I do. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not really religious, but am more agnostic. I guess in ways I do “Pray” when I hug my plushies, it’s usually because I am hoping for something, to feel better, for some kind of answer, or when I wear my “Pa” bracelet, I play with it when I’m anxious.

Day 9: In Chapter Six, I talk about the end of a relationship that sent me spiraling into a dark place. Talk about a heartbreak of your own that you experienced, and what it taught you, about yourself and about life.

In terms of relationship heart break I haven’t really had one. That’s part of the problem, I did most of the breaking up, mainly because as well I knew it was ending, but I didn’t want to get to the point of hating each other.

The weird thing every single one of them within 24 hours had back stabbed me in some way. That did break my heart, because I had, clearly wrongly, assumed that they had cared about me. I’m not kidding every single one of them. Every time they did it, it made me even more cautious in my next relationship. I wouldn’t trust them to begin with. A good example is it took me longer and longer each time to actually sleep with the next guy.

My current partner, I didn’t sleep with him for about 3 months. Even then, we had already gone through a lot together. I had developed sciatica and couldn’t really walk, so he was driving me to my Doctors appointments and didn’t judge that I was using my Great Grandmothers walking stick to get around. I didn’t even say “I love you” for at least 5 months and I was so scared to say it I had to get drunk first…and he didn’t say it back! But he did the next morning,lol…I was so embarrassed!lol

Day 10: In Chapter Seven, I talk about my experience with spiraling into clinical depression. Talk about your own experiences with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health struggle. If you haven’t been affected personally, share your insights into how you stay mentally healthy.

I think it’s all about being aware of yourself and how your mind and body work, imo. You know when something is off with yourself and you learn what you can and can’t handle. I know now that I can’t handle flashing lights, I can feel them messing up my eyes and my brain does not like it. I don’t drink coffee anymore unless I know for certain I am not going anywhere, but I can still handle coffee ice cream and love it!

Day 11: In Chapter Eight, I share all the reasons why I think I’m still single, the good…the bad…the ugly. Talk about all the reasons why you think you’re still single. Don’t be afraid to be really real and raw and honest. If you’re not still single, talk about a time when you were single and lonely and afraid that love would never arrive.

The only time in my life I have ever felt bad for being single was honestly when my now ex best friend  blamed me that she only told us the bad things about her boyfriend is because I was single. She didn’t want to make me “jealous”, because when she’s single and we’re in relationships, she gets jealous. Now, I have never ever been like that in the whole of my life. For a moment I felt bad though that she sees the world that way. This was about 2-3 years ago now and it was start of the downward spiral, because whether or not I’m not single, has absolutely no bearing on someone else’s behavior? I have never felt bad about being single though. Let me put it to you this way, I’d rather be single than in a abusive relationship or a relationship where I feel alone. My ex friends are the reasons I prefer being single, that was the irony about the situation. I considered my ex friends to be “smart” and they were making horrible choices with their relationships (mine weren’t much better). But I’d see the abuse and the bullying and that their boyfriends are nearly 60 and we’re in our early 30s and I’d think to myself “If they are that smart and make such horrible choices, why chance do I have?”. Now I know better.

Also though, HELL TO THE NO was I about to get blamed for another human being bullying and abusing my friends.

Day 12: In Chapter Nine, I hit “rock bottom.” Talk about your own rock bottom moment, and how you found the strength and the courage to rise.

I guess it was ending up in Hospital after my first massive anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was so scary! Probably the scariest thing I’ve encountered and I swear it changed my brain chemicals or something. I had always been a worrier and an incident a few months earlier had made me anxious travelling in well, pretty much everything. I ended up in Hospital because I was ignoring all the warning signs, because I thought at some point that I’d snap out of it. I did have a lot going on apart from just my own stuff, but I thought I was “handling” it.

After being let out of hospital and after I got home (well back to my partners place). I did not move from the chair for three days, just to go to the toilet and get myself something to eat and drink. I found it hard to walk and I didn’t change the whole time either (three days in the same underwear…Ewww! I look back now and have no idea how I did it).

What eventually got me up was though, I didn’t want to be frightened anymore…I WANTED TO LIVE AGAIN!!!and that the Cat needed me to let him in, then out, then out…then in again. We’re renting and there’s no cat/dog door. I honestly felt really gross too. I just didn’t want to lie down anymore. It was really a combination of those three things.

Day 13: In Chapter Ten, I talk about how sometimes survival is about whatever gets you through the day. Share what has “gotten you through the day” or held you together during tough times: faith, family, friends, alcohol, food, TV shows…whatever your glue is, don’t be afraid to get real. 

It depends what’s happening that day. For example, at the moment my cat is not very well, so that gives me something else to focus on. I can’t control what happens with him, but I can take care of him. Some days I can go on social media and other days I cannot. Sometimes it’s just been my partner holding me, there was a time where I didn’t want to say I wasn’t okay (it was in the middle of the night) but I clearly wasn’t, so he just hugged me.

Day 14: In Chapter Eleven, I share some of my experiences in group therapy. Talk about your own experience with therapy…what it has taught you, how it has helped (or not helped) you, how it has helped you see how ENOUGH you are. If you’ve never been to therapy, talk about why. And what you would hope to learn from it if you ever went.

I have been very lucky with Therapy. I’ve had two different kinds of therapy, one has just been your usual go and speak with someone. I’ve really been liking it, I don’t like the thought of burdening others, and this is her job. She’s completely lovely too, she gives me great ideas and because she deals with people who suffer the same things I do, she has suggestions that’s she has come by, by people who are going through it too.

The other was hypnotherapy and I think it worked for me, because I was so open to nearly anything that wasn’t a pill. It was helping me, but trying to see him was getting complicated. It worked too a point, it worked when I had time to sit and meditate. It was weird what happened, I couldn’t go to a session, because I was working and just never heard from them again. I took it as a sign.

Single Awareness Day

Apparently in Australia we have Single Awareness Day held on February the 15th. I’m not exactly sure why it’s called “Awareness”. I am sure that people who are single, are aware of this.

However my post is not to go on about that.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being Single. We have such a cultural thing where we are made to believe that we “have” to be in a relationship. I think I’ve been lucky in that a lot of the women in my family, the biggest influences have been my mother and my Grandmother. Both of them chose to get divorced and have remained single for well over a decade now. This day and age, especially if you don’t have children and even if you do. It can work for you being single.

When I was single I use to go out with other single friends on Valentines Day, and it was great! We’d go to dinners have a couple of drinks and see a movie…Have you ever seen an independent film drunk? BEST THING EVER! They are so serious and you are so drunk

(Not that I’m encouraging alcoholism!)

I used to have this friend who was desperate to be in a relationship and so she’d end up with horrible guys. Valentines Day she would get so depressed if she was single and I never really truly understood why someone would get so down on Valentines Day. Too me Valentines Day is just another Day. It’s not like a Christmas or a Birthday or something along those days. We don’t get a public holiday for it…Anywhere. Apart from coworkers no one is really going to know if you’re single or not, so why is it so important?

Remember get a group of other single friends/family and:

• Get drunk
• Have dinner
• See a film…A fun one…No romantic ones…Even comedies!
• Have a laugh
• Only go out if you actually even want to go out.
• Have a singles movies night inside or in a cinema