Please, remember them.

As much as I am a fan of a good conspiracy theory. I think we need to be careful with spreading them when it comes to Jeffrey Esptein and remember that people, children, that Esptein hurt… Are now grown ups…Possibly still children. They’ve lived with this for years and now justice is being slowly taken away from them. Just be careful in these times ❤

You are Enough – Mandy Hale – Days 8-14

You are Enough – Mandy Hale 30 Day challenge

Day 8: Also in Chapter Five, I talk about unanswered prayers and how they can often be the biggest blessings in disguise. Share an unanswered prayer of your own and how it helped you see that sometimes God’s “no” is the most gracious answer of all.

The thing is I think you don’t realise that he’s said “No” until you realise. If that makes any sense? Kind of like hindsight in a way. I’ve also though never really prayed, I feel like a hypocrite if I do. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not really religious, but am more agnostic. I guess in ways I do “Pray” when I hug my plushies, it’s usually because I am hoping for something, to feel better, for some kind of answer, or when I wear my “Pa” bracelet, I play with it when I’m anxious.

Day 9: In Chapter Six, I talk about the end of a relationship that sent me spiraling into a dark place. Talk about a heartbreak of your own that you experienced, and what it taught you, about yourself and about life.

In terms of relationship heart break I haven’t really had one. That’s part of the problem, I did most of the breaking up, mainly because as well I knew it was ending, but I didn’t want to get to the point of hating each other.

The weird thing every single one of them within 24 hours had back stabbed me in some way. That did break my heart, because I had, clearly wrongly, assumed that they had cared about me. I’m not kidding every single one of them. Every time they did it, it made me even more cautious in my next relationship. I wouldn’t trust them to begin with. A good example is it took me longer and longer each time to actually sleep with the next guy.

My current partner, I didn’t sleep with him for about 3 months. Even then, we had already gone through a lot together. I had developed sciatica and couldn’t really walk, so he was driving me to my Doctors appointments and didn’t judge that I was using my Great Grandmothers walking stick to get around. I didn’t even say “I love you” for at least 5 months and I was so scared to say it I had to get drunk first…and he didn’t say it back! But he did the next morning,lol…I was so embarrassed!lol

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Day 10: In Chapter Seven, I talk about my experience with spiraling into clinical depression. Talk about your own experiences with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health struggle. If you haven’t been affected personally, share your insights into how you stay mentally healthy.

I think it’s all about being aware of yourself and how your mind and body work, imo. You know when something is off with yourself and you learn what you can and can’t handle. I know now that I can’t handle flashing lights, I can feel them messing up my eyes and my brain does not like it. I don’t drink coffee anymore unless I know for certain I am not going anywhere, but I can still handle coffee ice cream and love it!

Day 11: In Chapter Eight, I share all the reasons why I think I’m still single, the good…the bad…the ugly. Talk about all the reasons why you think you’re still single. Don’t be afraid to be really real and raw and honest. If you’re not still single, talk about a time when you were single and lonely and afraid that love would never arrive.

The only time in my life I have ever felt bad for being single was honestly when my now ex best friend  blamed me that she only told us the bad things about her boyfriend is because I was single. She didn’t want to make me “jealous”, because when she’s single and we’re in relationships, she gets jealous. Now, I have never ever been like that in the whole of my life. For a moment I felt bad though that she sees the world that way. This was about 2-3 years ago now and it was start of the downward spiral, because whether or not I’m not single, has absolutely no bearing on someone else’s behavior? I have never felt bad about being single though. Let me put it to you this way, I’d rather be single than in a abusive relationship or a relationship where I feel alone. My ex friends are the reasons I prefer being single, that was the irony about the situation. I considered my ex friends to be “smart” and they were making horrible choices with their relationships (mine weren’t much better). But I’d see the abuse and the bullying and that their boyfriends are nearly 60 and we’re in our early 30s and I’d think to myself “If they are that smart and make such horrible choices, why chance do I have?”. Now I know better.

Also though, HELL TO THE NO was I about to get blamed for another human being bullying and abusing my friends.

Day 12: In Chapter Nine, I hit “rock bottom.” Talk about your own rock bottom moment, and how you found the strength and the courage to rise.

I guess it was ending up in Hospital after my first massive anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was so scary! Probably the scariest thing I’ve encountered and I swear it changed my brain chemicals or something. I had always been a worrier and an incident a few months earlier had made me anxious travelling in well, pretty much everything. I ended up in Hospital because I was ignoring all the warning signs, because I thought at some point that I’d snap out of it. I did have a lot going on apart from just my own stuff, but I thought I was “handling” it.

After being let out of hospital and after I got home (well back to my partners place). I did not move from the chair for three days, just to go to the toilet and get myself something to eat and drink. I found it hard to walk and I didn’t change the whole time either (three days in the same underwear…Ewww! I look back now and have no idea how I did it).

What eventually got me up was though, I didn’t want to be frightened anymore…I WANTED TO LIVE AGAIN!!!and that the Cat needed me to let him in, then out, then out…then in again. We’re renting and there’s no cat/dog door. I honestly felt really gross too. I just didn’t want to lie down anymore. It was really a combination of those three things.

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Day 13: In Chapter Ten, I talk about how sometimes survival is about whatever gets you through the day. Share what has “gotten you through the day” or held you together during tough times: faith, family, friends, alcohol, food, TV shows…whatever your glue is, don’t be afraid to get real. 

It depends what’s happening that day. For example, at the moment my cat is not very well, so that gives me something else to focus on. I can’t control what happens with him, but I can take care of him. Some days I can go on social media and other days I cannot. Sometimes it’s just been my partner holding me, there was a time where I didn’t want to say I wasn’t okay (it was in the middle of the night) but I clearly wasn’t, so he just hugged me.

Day 14: In Chapter Eleven, I share some of my experiences in group therapy. Talk about your own experience with therapy…what it has taught you, how it has helped (or not helped) you, how it has helped you see how ENOUGH you are. If you’ve never been to therapy, talk about why. And what you would hope to learn from it if you ever went.

I have been very lucky with Therapy. I’ve had two different kinds of therapy, one has just been your usual go and speak with someone. I’ve really been liking it, I don’t like the thought of burdening others, and this is her job. She’s completely lovely too, she gives me great ideas and because she deals with people who suffer the same things I do, she has suggestions that’s she has come by, by people who are going through it too.

The other was hypnotherapy and I think it worked for me, because I was so open to nearly anything that wasn’t a pill. It was helping me, but trying to see him was getting complicated. It worked too a point, it worked when I had time to sit and meditate. It was weird what happened, I couldn’t go to a session, because I was working and just never heard from them again. I took it as a sign.

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Single Awareness Day

Apparently in Australia we have Single Awareness Day held on February the 15th. I’m not exactly sure why it’s called “Awareness”. I am sure that people who are single, are aware of this.

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However my post is not to go on about that.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being Single. We have such a cultural thing where we are made to believe that we “have” to be in a relationship. I think I’ve been lucky in that a lot of the women in my family, the biggest influences have been my mother and my Grandmother. Both of them chose to get divorced and have remained single for well over a decade now. This day and age, especially if you don’t have children and even if you do. It can work for you being single.

When I was single I use to go out with other single friends on Valentines Day, and it was great! We’d go to dinners have a couple of drinks and see a movie…Have you ever seen an independent film drunk? BEST THING EVER! They are so serious and you are so drunk

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(Not that I’m encouraging alcoholism!)

I used to have this friend who was desperate to be in a relationship and so she’d end up with horrible guys. Valentines Day she would get so depressed if she was single and I never really truly understood why someone would get so down on Valentines Day. Too me Valentines Day is just another Day. It’s not like a Christmas or a Birthday or something along those days. We don’t get a public holiday for it…Anywhere. Apart from coworkers no one is really going to know if you’re single or not, so why is it so important?

Remember get a group of other single friends/family and:

  • Get drunk
  • Have dinner
  • See a film…A fun one…No romantic ones…Even comedies!
  • Have a laugh
  • Only go out if you actually even want to go out.
  • Have a singles movies night inside or in a cinema

#PenguinAwarenessDay

These funny little things, with their funny little waddles:

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Emperor Down!

These funny little things are just the most interesting of birds, and there are so many different varieties and have represented in all sorts of forms.

Did you know:

  • Penguins can drink sea water. Penguins ingest a lot of seawater while hunting for fish, but a special gland behind their eyes—the supraorbital gland—filters out the saltwater from their blood stream. Penguins excrete it through their beaks, or by sneezing.
  • The Emperor Penguin is the tallest of all penguin species, reaching as tall as 120 cm (47 in) in height.
  •  Little Blue Penguins are the smallest type of penguin, averaging around 33 cm (13 in) in height.
  • A Penguin’s black and white plumage serves as camouflage while swimming. The black plumage on their back is hard to see from above, while the white plumage on their front looks like the sun reflecting off the surface of the water when seen from below.
  • Penguins in Antarctica have no land based predators.
  • Fossils place the earliest penguin relative at some 60 million years ago, meaning an ancestor of the birds we see today survived the mass extinction of the dinosaurs.
  • If a female Emperor Penguin’s baby dies, she will often “kidnap” an unrelated chick.
  • The first published account of penguins comes from Antonio Pigafetta, who was aboard Ferdinand Magellan’s first circumnavigation of the globe in 1520. They spotted the animals near what was probably Punta Tombo in Argentina. (He called them “strange geese.”)

World Mental Health Day

As the title suggests, today is World Mental Health day today…So if you are not feeling well, please do not read any further. Sometimes I find that if you constantly talk about something, or its just there all the time. You can’t help but be affected by it.

Normally I make long posts at later time/date and I had originally had this posted for tomorrow as most of my readers are from overseas. However, I feel like this is such an important topic, I’d rather have this posted on the right date for both hemisphere’s.

So although today is a good day to get some information out there. One could understand why this day might actually be a really hard day for those with mental health issues.

10/10 World Mental Health Day (Australia)

So mental health affects people in different ways and people suffer from it in different extremes and have different ways of coping. We are only know starting to understand it, but still have a far way to go in treating it and having other people who don’t understand it. One side of my family have huge issues with it, even when they don’t admit it.

Mental Health over the years has always been seen as people only having things like schizophrenia, major paranoia, serve depression, and so on. Only in the last few years things like PTSD, people suffering from grief and loss, social anxieties, are now being seen as mental health issues. Situations where you or someone else may look fine on the outside, but inside you just feel extremely tired and like you want to give up.

Let me share my experiences with you

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I, myself have always had a slight depression. There were days where I just couldn’t stop feeling miserable and I wouldn’t eat and I just could not explain it. The last year or so and through certain incidents that ended up being not in my control, has now turned into anxieties. It’s been an interesting year because things that never affected me before, suddenly are. For example, when we have blackouts, in my mind I completely freak out now. The first half an hour or so, on the inside I am a wreck. I honestly feel like I will have a panic attack. It’s not until we get candles going or we start watching dvds on the laptops and sometimes that doesn’t happen until we’re really sleepy, so we don’t lose much batteries. I am just not okay. Sometimes I’ll have to look outside, where it’s still dark because you can still shadows outside, especially if the moon is well lit. So now I have a radio that can be turned on and off with batteries, as well as lights and fans. I’m looking to getting a portable dvd player, so I can trick my mind that all the lights off gives it an atmosphere.

I also now have a travel anxiety. Where I start to worry that I’m going to desperately need the bathroom while in a car or bus. This is my biggest issue at the moment, it’s been getting a little better, and I’ve had it for about a year now. I’ve been trying to avoid taking drugs and have been taking natural medicine, as well as meditation. I think I may need to take some anxiety pills when I travel on a plane next though. It’s usually alright if I can wind a window down and get some fresh air, but you can’t do that on a plane. Since my brother and my partners brother lives interstate, I can’t avoid it forever.

The other thing I have noticed though if that I far more more susceptible to my depression and that’s been the worst part. I’ve had more triggers this year alone and they’ve gotten, I don’t want to say darker, but I’ve had to fight a lot more this year to get myself happier again. I’ve also found myself on the borderline of a lot more panic attacks, which I’ve never really had before.

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Now let me share things that have helped me.

  • Giving myself a break: Every now and then I will just take a day…two if I’m lucky…where I don’t have to travel or work or see anyone. It makes me feel normal again.
  • Natural medication: So far the natural medications I’ve been taking have been helping a lot. Even if they just settle my upset stomach. They are probably nowhere near as strong as actual anxiety medication, but they do work to help me calm, at least a little.
  • Funny videos: They just do, anything funny, or what I consider to be funny.
  • Do not drink coffee when you are in the middle of anxiety: I do not drink coffee nearly as much as I used too.
  • Playing games: I think concentrating on something else for an hour…or more…helps me have a different focus. When I first had my anxiety really badly, the only things that made me panic less was playing games. I’d realise after a few hours that I was fine. I had gotten through a couple of hours with no issues.

Please don’t feel like you have too, but myself and I am sure others would really appreciate any of you sharing any helpful information. Where you go, what you use, what you’ve found to be helpful. Any stories that you wish to share.

5 things I like about myself…52 Weeks

10. List 5 things you like about yourself

Myself

  • Motivating Procrastination: I do procrastinate a lot…But when I’ve decided to do something, it’s pretty hard to stop me. In both situations, both the procrastinating and then deciding to go with it, both allow me to look at the situation. Both taking care of myself and taking care of others by looking at all the options.

 

  • Helper: In the past I have looked after those who may not have always deserved it. Not to help myself or to make myself look like the better person. Because I know they aren’t bad people, they just made bad choices. Which we all do at some point or in some way or another. I try not be hard on people, we’ve all got inner demons. HOWEVER, it doesn’t mean either I stick with them. I have had to block a few people in my life because I started to realise that I wasn’t helping them move on at all, while I was.

 

  • Responsibility: I take responsibility for myself, I don’t blame others. If I stuff up, I admit and own up too it. I had no idea how rare that is until the last couple of years. I honestly believe that people need to take more responsibility for themselves and their life. Stop blaming others, we all have people and situations that seem impossible, but ultimately…it’s your life…Sometimes you just have to own your own life.

 

  • Others: I honestly want to help people and I try to do what I can. I can’t live without helping someone. If I won the lottery, I would probably help my family put with so many of their finances. I can’t just turn my back over any injustices. Now this may sound like I’m a bit of a sucker, but I swear that I’m not. I just know when too take myself off out of the situation.

 

  • Mind: I think the thing I like about myself the most is my mind. How I really do see people for what’s inside, rather than the outside. There is no point trying to fight with or for someone and I don’t like pretending that I like somebody. I tend to always give people a chance, until they do something to discredit that trust. We’ve only got one life to live, I don’t want to waste it hating on someone who doesn’t even deserve it for no good reason.

World Lion Day

I am sure most of you have heard of Cecil the Lion and the very sad story that has followed since. I clearly care about more animals and people than just “Cecil the Lion”, but if I were to post about everything I am passionate about, my news-feed postings would never end!lol…With animals (for me personally) they cannot speak for themselves, for example today, a white Rhino died the same week as Cecil…leaving 4 known left in the world, forever…We caused that, we owe these animals…So thanks for those supporting me and not making me feel bad about speaking up, cause apparently there are a lot of people who are upset people caring so much about “just a Lion”…I kind of want my children and my grandchildren to be able to see wild animals running around free…That’s just me though…I’m hoping that this tragedy will bring some good, especially for conservation!

The Australian Senate: Keep the ban on lion trophies and body parts

There was a poem written by this 13 year old boy whose wishes to remain anonymous, and for me personally, it speaks exactly to how I feel and what I think about the situation.

I am Cecil.

Naturally I am powerful.
Yet the situation was such that I am not longer alive.
Alive to hunt, alive to live, alive to be African.
I am not Cecil. But I am Africa, An Africa for you to kill, obviously.

I am every rhino and elephant that you tear apart.
I am the Ivory ripped from their faces, for you to consume.
I am rhino and elephant. I am Cecil, I am Africa.

I am sorry that we can’t defend the defenseless against people with weapons used to attack.
I am sorry that we can’t bring Cecil back.
You’ve killed Cecil.
You’re killing Africa.

I am not Cecil.
I am Africa.
I need help.*

Donate to help High 5. Give $5. Save Big Cats.

2015-08-10 20.02.00

(Myself and my Mufusa…Click on the picture to be taken to World Lion Day twitter page)

Are You Okay? No…Really…Are you?

Just to start off with, I do really love the whole idea of the “R U Okay” day (which is an Australian depression awareness day). I think it’s great to see so many people getting into it and asking people on their Facebook, Social Media sites “asking” people “R U Okay”.

Find out more about R U Okay day (from Australia).

The only problem I have with this idea is that as someone who suffers from depression, I don’t necessarily open up to someone who just asks me “Are you okay?”. I’m not sure about others, but a lot of people (myself included) when we are in the time of being depressed, I have SUCH a hard time telling anybody anything. Then what about the other 364 days of the year? I never heard anyone talk about it again. Plus people tend to say it on their wall, or post some link and that’s it.

I literally woke up letting people know that I had an extremely bad night, full of nightmares and tears…Only one person asked me “R U okay”…So as far as I am concerned, the whole day was a failure. Then people went to posting cute animals videos and posting political links that no one really cares about. In fact the best responses I got today was on my status on how great Lasagne is =S So even on a day dedicated to making sure people are okay, writing two different statuses only the positive one got any responses…What does that say?

So even if you felt like “R U Okay” is a bit of a let down (like me). I think anyway to promote awareness of depression and suicidal issues can only ever been a good thing. I repeatedly tell people that I am always here day or night. I don’t need one day to tell people that.

Published on 16 Jun 2012

Michael Jackson- Smooth Criminal, The King of POP