Repeating myself.

Oh I hate people wanting “Justice” for someone just because they’re attracted to them. People don’t know them, they just find them attractive. Women are honestly the worst at this. Ted Bundy springs to mind. I don’t know why, but we just are.

Today I couldn’t figure out what all this #JusticeforJohnny was about. Then I found out that Amber Heard admitted to throwing things at him. Which somehow, for some reason. Automatically excluded Depp from doing it too…Except it doesn’t.

It makes me personally angry when I see or read things like that. Mainly because before my parents spilt up, my Mum actually threw something at my Dad. Does that mean she’s the abuser, not my Dad. He’s suddenly excused from his behaviours? No. It quiet frankly pisses me off reading these stupid girls “Change.Org” crap.

I have always felt that they were as bad as each other, and quiet frankly I wish they both would just go away and let it go. Johnny Depp didn’t lose work because Heard rang up and demand that he not get anymore work. He lost work, because of HIMSELF…I mean, come on! Does it even seem logical that in Hollywood, HOLLYWOOD, Heard could just ring and demand that Depp didn’t get any more work because Heard, someone not really heard of…said so?

No, we’ve all seen the video. We’ve all seen the interviews were he was clearly on something.

Depp and Heard “stans” give abuse a bad name.

Friendship breakups 1 of 2

*So I was going to write a really long post, but I thought that it may bore people to read my point of view. So I’m going to write it in two parts. One talking about a basis of where I’m coming from with friendship break ups. The other will be about how to spot if you’re in a toxic friendship and how to get out of it. Purely from my personal experience*

I was replying to an answer on Quora (Quora is fabulous by the way). Someone asked the question about how do you know when your relationship/partner is toxic. I started off by saying that I think they already knew the answer. Normally I would respond with just that. However, since the other people who answered were about how wonderful their partners are…

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I decided to talk about how the hardest, but most toxic relationships I have had trouble letting go of are, which are friendships. Romantic relationships have been much easier for myself to let go of, especially when it’s right. All I needed was one toxic romantic relationship that I hung onto, to realise how I should just let them go.

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Why Do People Believe Narcissists Rather Than Their Victims?

The most obvious answer is, this is what Narcissists are really good at. It’s what they do.

For myself, when I wanted to start letting go was when I got into an argument with my now ex-best friend about her on again off again abusive relationship. It didn’t start off as that but it deteriorated. It was when she “slipped” and admitted that the reason we hear about all his abuse was because I was single and when she’s single she doesn’t like hearing how happy we are. That comment was my ah ha moment. It disturbed me to no end, what also disturbed me though was the other two were not disturbed at all that she’s only happy when we’re miserable.

I’ve started to realise that it is possible to have or be in an abusive friendship. We put so much emphasis on romantic relationships that we forget that the relationships that we have the longest can possibly be abusive as well. Family, friendship etc. Every time I’ve heard of what people who are abusers have done to other people, I’ve started to realise that it is extremely possible to have a friend that’s abusive towards you. I mean why not, right? Why think that abusers are only relegated to family and romantic. I’m sure they don’t.

It’s why I think we find it so hard to let go of friendships. Because socially, we’re really only told about abuse is abuse when it’s domestic or romantic. Why not friends?

When you take a look at incidents of manipulation of gas-lighting…I wonder how many of us can relate to a friend who has done this to us?

There is good news though, once you recognise the signs. You then get the choice to leave or stay. I think that is one difference with friendships, once you have decided to leave, you tend to be able too. You’ll probably get gossip and you’ll probably lose friends, but friendships tend to be easier to leave than other types of relationships.

Knowledge is ALWAYS powerful!

 

MAFS AU

Probably not the best way to finish off a Friday. I just have to write about this sham of a show!

The “experts” are probably the worst experts of any experts that I have ever seen. A little story to start explaining what kind of “experts” these people are. A couple of years ago when my now ex best friend had broken up with her abusive boyfriend for the third time and she was considering getting back together with him for a fourth. Now, she told us that the therapist she was seeing had told her “Well he clearly loves you, because he keeps coming back”. So she took this as “Well I’m going to take him back then”.

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At the time I honestly thought that my ex-friend had to be lying, what kind of therapist would say something like that? Well now these “experts” have made me believe that the Therapist did actually say that, and that my friend wasn’t lying. I kind of wonder what my ex-friend says about this shows, because if it’s positive, then she’s a damn hypocrite. Anyways,

These experts are so horrible, I can’t even explain it. Too watch these “couples” abuse and bully and torment each other, and THEN the “experts” for SOME god only knows what reasons pick on the actual victims…It’s beyond angry. Watching what was happening, was making me literally shake with angry at the experts. For the first time in my life, I actually put a complaint in about a television show.

ABUSE AND BULLYING ARE NOT TELEVISION SHOWS!

Too lose friends because I stood up to the person bullying/abusing them and telling my ex-friends they can do and deserve better. Too watch these “experts” gaslight and get upset at the victims for stupidity. For example, one of the brides, is I think, a complete sociopath. When the “couple” were talking with the “experts” for some reason they just let the bride demean, bully and outright mentally abuse the Groom and THEN tell him off for him calling the Bride a “C” word. Now I don’t like that word, but this Bride totally is! If you looked up the word “C” in the dictionary, there would be her picture. This bride is the type of “woman” who gives the rest of us a VERY bad name. These experts give us women a VERY bad name, when they let her off. If it was reversed, there would be outrage from these “experts”.

It was interesting to watch the comments on Twitter as well though, as both Feminists and MRA (Men’s Right Activists) agreed that this Bride is a “C”, for some reason though the “experts” are the only ones who didn’t seem to see it.

The week after the experts then started (for some reason) to seemingly be gas-lighting ANOTHER bride, who was the victim. The bride wanted to leave, and the “experts” made her feel bad for it! I could not believe it! Now I know that this show is probably filmed a little in advance, but DAMN!

#mafs #mafsau

What truly irritates me about this show the most though. The first season, came out around the time that Australia was voting to make gay marriage, legal. So you have these bigots going around saying…

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Yet, a show is coming into people’s living rooms every night. Where people don’t know who they are “marrying”, and then I don’t think a single couple have even worked out to date. You have “experts” allowing grown adults to abuse and bully, each other on television, which is coming into peoples livings room. If one partner doesn’t want to leave, then their  “lucky” other half gets to stay, even if they don’t want? Every single night Monday-Thursday for at least an hour.

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No you don’t

Now bear with me…I don’t think this is going to make sense. 

No to people who use the METOO movement” set you off…ie Amber Heard “abused Johnny Depp”…We’ve all seen the video! I don’t believe that Amber Heard is using the “Me Too” movement. People who “go after” people you find attractive, but don’t actually know, set you off. Johnny Depp is a grown ass “man” I don’t care if his mother just died, I don’t care if Amber was winding him up…YOU WALK AWAY! JOHNNY DEPP IS AN ADULT!

You know why we believe her? (Well I do) I believe alcohol and drugs change people, I believe that losing the love of life, changes you, I believe losing your parents, changes you. If he’s SO wonderful, why did Pardis leave him? We just don’t leave amazing men…We just don’t. AND instead of just owing up to what he has clearly done and his part in the marriage. Even if he was to put it down to, it was a volatile relationship and he owned his part in it. Nope, he keeps going on about it, like he’s completely the victim alone, and is now suing Heard…For what? Proves what? If she did, doesn’t mean he didn’t, does it? Heard is not sitting around suing him, she’s out there doing actual work. I think she’s accepted the relationship for what it was and is moving on.

Depp isn’t getting work or isn’t looking bad because of Heard, he’s getting a bad reputation for being a 55 year old “man” and owning up too NOTHING.

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I absolutely believe that that particular relationship was toxic and volatile.

It’s time to say Goodbye

I had a very Oprah, light-bulb, ah -uh moment over the weekend when I was trying to explain to someone about a past relationship, where it was the room mate who was abusive and bully to me, rather than my partner. However, my partner looked me dead in the face when I finally asked for help after having a shoe flown at my head “Please do something” I kid you not my then partner looked me in the face and said

“You deserve it and you have it coming”

As much as I hate it, and even though I left straight away after that comment, and it’s been years. That comment still stays with me. However, that’s for another post.

I met my “that partner” through mutual friends who were still my friends every after we broke up, but we are pretty much no longer friends. After thinking about it for a while I’ve come to realise that the reason my partners comments have shocked me less and less over the years is because of this group of “friends” It has recently occurred to me why my partner felt that was the best thing he could do. My ex-partner is such a chicken, like he’s definitely a weakling.For him, instead of doing anything, because he “had to live” with this guy, it was just easier to blame me. It’s occurred to me recently the entire group is like that.

I have un-followed all of them on my Facebook and have for nearly the whole year now. I am starting to think of unfriending them in the new year. I have been publicly humiliated because I didn’t want to date someone, I have been told that headbands look stupid on me. Someone told me something disrespectful about their sister and best friend, and yet I wasn’t invited to the party.

I have had my phone yanked out of my hand, checking up on a girlfriend, because that’s being rude and unsociable. Yet, the girl right next to them, was playing on her phone because she’s “bored”, the whole time I was being berated and being put down, she was there, playing on her phone, which is why I initially thought it’d be okay to check up on my girlfriend. That whole situation is an exact representation of my “friendship” with these people. They’ll treat what they think you’re worth. How is that not a form of emotional bullying, borderline psychological abuse?

With it coming up to New Years Eve and with people thinking about who they want to bring in the new year in, who they want to start off the year. Please, REALLY think about it. Think about being your own best friend. Please think about who you really truly believe in your gut who deserves to be with you on a brand new journey.

Things that Grinds my Gears

I just wanted to start this post off by saying that it’s a bit of a sensitive topic and probably a little controversial.

PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!

I hope Cee’s Photography is having a fantastic break! I guess this post is like sharing a part of my world. This post will give you a little bit of an insight into how I think.

There is something that I would have to say is my “trigger”. If you don’t know what a trigger is, it’s really simple to understand. A trigger is a subject matter that no matter how good of a mood you are in, or how confident you are feeling. A trigger is something that makes you instantly upset and/or mad.

One of my triggers is when a woman will say something like that men cannot possibly be abused or raped, because they are bigger than us.

I can’t even begin to tell these women what is wrong with this statement, and how dangerous it is! I know for a fact and through personal experience that most men already have issues when it comes to expressing themselves and this is why the male suicide rate is so high. You don’t even have to be physically bigger to rape and abuse someone. They can be drugged, for example. How many times have we heard in rape cases of people being drugged and completely knocked out at the time? You can’t fight chemicals.

Highest Australian suicide rate in 13 years driven by men aged 40 to 44 – The Guardian (March 2016)

As for not being abused because men can just “fight back”. Yes, I guess that some probably could, but that is not how abuse works. Abusers of any gender don’t start by hitting someone straight away. Abusers will bring you down mentally and spiritually, most of the time you don’t even realise it’s happening. Not all men are bigger than us (not that that’s important). What about men who are in relationships with other men? What about men who were abused by family members when they’re little?

What made me the most saddest about this trigger was I saw these comments, which made me set off was on a Facebook page for White Ribbon. For those who don’t know who White Ribbon is, it’s a cause in Australia for stopping violence against Women. I am clearly for stopping violence against woman and children. This doesn’t mean though you can just say “it doesn’t happen to men, they don’t understand” because I guarantee they do. It saddens me to see someone say they’ve gone through being abused, but according to them men just don’t get it.

I guarantee they do.

#ItsOkayToTalk