Good Guys and Good Girls

Do you ever hear…(or get sick of hearing) girls/guys always say that they want to date a “nice guy/girl” like them, but they always end up jerks? Except you know that, very rarely, these self-proclaimed “good guys and girls” very rarely are actually what they say they are?

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I was inspired to write this post after seeing an article about one the most recent MAFs “brides” claiming that she was getting all these guys attentions…and you know what? I believe her. While in the show this particular “Bride” was trying to hook up with every other husband, it seemed, but her own. When she finally decided on one guy, he had no idea what had been happening. After leaving the show, seeing the reunion and seeing her do what she did and that he wasn’t her first or second choice, but third…They split up.

Now she’s saying she can’t trust him…Don’t actually know why…But she has been playing the victim ever since.

Now you may be thinking “Why on earth would you believe that guys would be interested in her?” Because I have gone through this situation myself.

I am an actual “good girl”. I know this because I don’t lie, cheat, back-stab and make other people endure unnecessary evil or unkindness. I also don’t go around bragging about these things, because others can see it in my actions. However, I always seem to encounter girls who have no problem doing these things, but the self proclaimed “good guys” worship them.

One very public shaming incident for something I did not even do wrong, was by “good guys”. The story went like this:

I had been out of a rotten relationship for a few months, not abusive, just “rotten”. The only thing was we had mutual friends (mainly guys) before I started dating him, and had made more after too. So the few months after we had broken up, I kept being asked out by his other friends. This started to increase after he started dating someone else. I found out people were asking him if it was okay, which honestly made me angry. I do not need my ex boyfriends permission. Maybe if they had asked me first…Anyway, I digress.

So at that time I legitimately did not want to date anyone. Not wanting to date, does not automatically mean I don’t want to be flirted with or “play” a bit. There were these two guys, one was a fantastic flirt and I really enjoyed it and we didn’t want to date each other. The other wanted my ex’s permission, kept asking me out and thought the way to my heart was to bash him behind his back. I may not like someone, but I don’t think it’s right to bash them behind their backs. You know what that makes me think? I now know why my ex, is the way he is. Because you think he’s horrible too, but you say nothing to him about his behavior! This particular ex was dumb and relied on the approval of others. If you say nothing to him, nothing changes.

Through the grapevine I found out my ex had said that I would never do anything with the guy I was flirting with…Well, i was going to prove him wrong! So I sorta had a one night stand. By sorta, we started but I realised I was not attracted to this guy at all. It was all wrong, so I asked him to stop and he did…Lucky for his “good guy” friends.

I kid you not…maybe two days later I get tagged in a meme “Why do girls always complain that there are no good guys and then date jerks”. You can only begin to imagine my anger. I had strange guys, who I don’t even know making comments like “How does the burn feel”. These days I would say “What burn? In order for a burn, the burn has to have some ring of truth to it”. But I was shocked!

So not only did I make a pledge then and there to never date anyone from that group (you’ll be happy to know that I never did). But it set in motion to prove their hypocrisy to me even more.

Then “Lisa” came into the group (don’t know why Lisa) She slept with a married man, she’s been engaged twice, clearly using them while the married man was married. Then he came back, she got engaged again, she’s split up half the group. He own brother made a comment to me about her…But, she’s worshiped…By the exact same “good guys” who burned/did not burn me calling themselves good guys in the same sentence.

I have a one night stand when I’m single, with a single guy and I’m a bad person. Lisa comes along, sleeps with a married man, uses the rest, splits up the group, her own brother is making is comments…Oh did I forget to mention, it was her brother that introduced her to the group. So now he can’t speak to friends, because of her….But I get told I should be more like her? I see not a single comment about her “behaviour”.

*I only have one sentence and Lisa has a whole paragraph*

So even if I hadn’t of decided to not date anyone from that group when they did what they did too me. I certainly would have done it after that! After a few months of it, I started to take myself out of that group. Yet, I would be willing to bet that they are sitting there still saying they’re “good guys”.

What I’m trying to say is this…

People need to stop with the whole “I am a good guy/girl” Chances are if you are constantly having to tell people, you’re probably not. It’s like when guys buy those stupid big cars (or obsessions with guns). We know what you’re trying to say, but we know it’s not true.

 

 

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Think before you “Do”

I still think it’s funny about my category “Single in a small city”. For those who don’t know, when I created the category “Single in a small city”. I think literally, I went on a date the next week and that was 4 years ago and I’m still with the same guy. So a couple of months later I felt a little like a fraud writing about being single, when I wasn’t anymore. It felt a little rude, writing about being single, when I was not.

Before getting into a relationship, here’s what to consider.

  1. Probably the most important thing to do before you get into a relationship. LOVE YOURSELF…In every way possible!
  2. I know it sounds unromantic, but make sure you can get out if you get in.
  3. Never lose your friendship with your friends. Keep them around. Don’t dump them. But know it’s okay if your new partner becomes friends with them too.
  4. Be prepared to not give up things, if they’re not willing to be respectful either.
  5. Take the time to sleep together, it’s so much better with the waiting.
  6. Saying that too, it’s okay to take you time to trust a new partner. My trust in people was broken after my last relationship. It took time to trust my new partner, even though nothing was his fault. You gotta heal yourself.

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Any advice readers?

Sync Up!

I’ve this little notebook in my bag, and I write notes in it (duh,lol) Usually it’ll be a sentence or a quote for a Blog post, but for whatever reasons I cannot get to a computer at the time. Then at least I have some sort of recollection later on when I read through it, and this was one of them.

I was thinking about when you have a partner and you’ve been together for a while, do you take “advantage” that they should just “get you”? I realised this the other day, when it came to some cleaning of the clothes. I thought that my partner would still want his new white tops washed separately from the rest, but he didn’t. So I ended up not being able wash my red tops, then I got called into work and had to wear this old tight fitted one. I was not impressed,lol.

How often do we just take for granted, that our partners…Just cannot read our minds? That we assume “Well, we’ve done this a hundred times before” and just go ahead, when maybe our partners don’t want too?

Love. Your. Single. —

Let me just set my scene for ya: I’m sitting on my bed putting together the flood of thoughts running through my head for this specific blog post. I just finished cleaning my house (and I mean booooy did I clean….like actually cleaned…not just a liiiiittle….I went all out ya’ll….I’m adulting out here). I baked […]

via Love. Your. Single. —

*A lovely beautifully written piece to love yourself even when your single! Ain’t nothing wrong with that!*

Meant to be?

Simply meant to be

We all know this song …Well if you’re a Disney and Tim Burton fan.

It’s very romantic, a lot of people say they and their partner are “just meant to be”.

What does it mean though, if you break up? Does that mean you were never meant to be?

I don’t necessarily think so.

I believe that we are meant to meet ALL the people we have met in our lives. Whether that be romantic or friendly, even our co-workers and even the horrible people we unfortunately will all encounter in our lives. Just because one relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you were never “meant to be”. You were meant to be…Just not forever. Sometimes that may not even be the case. I know a couple of people who broke up when they were younger, but go back together years and years later. Not that I’m saying that will happen for everyone.

So please don’t stay in a relationship because you think it’s “meant to be”. Even when all the signs and your own self tell you that it’s not. You are just wasting time to find the one you are actually meant to be with.

I’ve noticed in my life and through my own experiences how dangerous it can to have this mentality where from the first date they’re just simply meant to be. Especially if it’s an abusive relationships and the amount of people who think they were “meant to be”…You were ‘meant to be with an abuser forever’?…You sure about that?

Recently current beau and I we were talking about, if this or this had never happened, then we would have never met. We went from each our parents meeting, to even the end of my recent toxic friendships. Although my Mum dared me to go on a dating site, it was my ex best friend who suggested the site. As she had used it numerous times before (To this day I wish ONE of them had worked out for her. Instead of the douchebag she’s with now) so she knew how to use it. So my friendship with her was “meant to be”.

These are my confessions

I’m not sure if I’ve actually written about this before…but if I have I apologise if you feel like you are just rereading something.

(I actually thought about this while I was “in the bathroom”)

I love my partner, I love him SO much…I don’t even think about not being with him.  I know he gets frustrated sometime because he’s not a very expressive person and isn’t great with his word…But his actions…I LOVE his actions! He is definitely an action man. Considering my other ex’s were definitely all talk, no action…I freaking love it!lol..I just want to cuddle him all the time!

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Here is my confession though…

My last ex has totally ruined me.

My last “relationship” was really weird! My last ex chased me for months and I kept saying no. There was a huge age gap…I was 29 going on 30 and he 19 going 20. After 7-7 months after spending a night together, just talking…I finally said Yes…A month later he ghosted me.

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For those who don’t know what “Ghosting” is. It is pretty much anyone you’re dating/seeing…and they just literally stop all contact with you. After chasing you for months and months. They wont return calls, emails, they wont meet up with you anymore. No reason, they just disappear. My ex stopped talking to me and went to a party and did not invite me. I had to send a text saying “I guess you’re trying to tell me you want to break up with me?”.

It has completely ruined my ability to trust and open quickly anymore. The thing that upset me most was when I finally said yes and let my guard down, I fell pretty hard, pretty quickly. Within that one month I was so happy, I allowed myself to look at “wedding” things, because it just felt so right. Usually it takes me forever to get to that point…The guy made me feel like a silly old fool.

The only reason I am starting to look at wedding things now is because my partner and I have been through so much together already. It makes me love him more and more each time.

This isn’t at all too say that I am expecting an proposal anytime soon…It’s more when I start looking at those sorts of things, for me, it means I’m at a certain stage, myself, personally.

 

 

 

 

Lovers where ever you are, where ever you come from <3

Today is apparently the day of love…Mainly for couples…I don’t really like celebrating it even when I’m in a couple to be honest. I’ve known far too many people in my life who’ve been depressing…almost suicidal…on this day because they’re single. Their depression has made me not particularly really like the day. Funnily enough, I am not friends with any of those people anymore. It’s just a “day”…and shouldn’t Valentines Day be every day really?

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If you are one of those people who really doesn’t care about Valentines Day, we can totally be best buddies!

I think that it should just be called “Love Day”…like they do in the Simpsons.

That way we can just have a day to promote love, in all it’s forms…Love for you, love for me, love for everyone!

Don’t forget to also check out TheSinglesSwag box loot every month!

Happy Valentines Day – The Single Woman Blog post

Uploaded by: a hole in the head lets the fresh air in

Published on 13 Feb 2012

Season 9 Episode 22 – Trash of the Titans