The Grudge

I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend and it made me think how people will view grudges differently, depending on which side you are on That’s not too say that everyone is like this, after all we all experience things in different ways.

Let me explain…

Very recently both my friend and I both had people from our past that sent us friends on request on Facebook. Both people had been very cruel to both of us, for no good reasons. They both sent us a friends request with no message, apology or reasons why they felt like we should be “Facebook friends” and we both said no. One of us then heard about how their ex-friend was telling everybody how my friend was holding onto a grudge, and I was told “it’s in the past, why can’t I just let it go”.

I also have been in a situation where someone who used to bully me in primary school, wrote a message to me on Facebook and apologised. I accepted their friends request and I do not have one single regret.

I am a big believer in letting things go and forgiving people…not for them, but for yourself. Both of us can honestly say that we hold no grudge or even ill-will towards these people. We just don’t think we have to be friends with everybody. Clearly, the fact also that these people can’t even understand and instead of sending us a message to ask us “Why”, they decided to talk about it with everybody else, except for us. Which to both of us, shows us that really nothing has changed.

So, how about yourself, do you hold onto grudges?Are you good at letting things go? Do you believe some people will just never change? Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Please, stay single

There are these people that I know who clearly fooling around with each other behind their partners back. I have lost respect for these people over time and I just have very little to do with them anymore. The whole group is just a mess.

It doesn’t just bug me because they are cheating with each other, but it’s also because one of them was single when they met the other originally. They had just gotten out of an engagement and at the time the other person was married. Yet, even though there were obvious feelings between the two: Person A didn’t even leave their marriage until their partner got an amazing job ‘overseas’ and they just didn’t want to put the effort in. Which is when I really started to lose respect since their partner had given up so much to begin with. It was SUCH a cop out.

Person B then started dating nearly all of Person’s A closest friend while, at least, emotionally cheating on them all with Person A and got engaged to one of them. Then conveniently Person A marriage split up and Person B with their fiance…Coincidence.

STOP USING PEOPLE! NO ONE DESERVES THAT!

usins

I have a hard time not saying anything because I’m one of those people who hates injustice of any type. Which means the best that I feel like I can do is just stay away since no one else in the group seem to honestly care and they even called Perfect B “Perfect” and that they could never think of an insult good enough. So it continues.

What the actual…

What this all comes down for me is to tell people. Please, for the love of god, don’t date someone because you can’t be with the person you want too be with. Please don’t date someone because you’re lonely and you don’t think you can’t do any better…You partner doesn’t deserve that. When you start to date someone, please make sure this is what you really want. You may not be sure that you even want to date, but make sure you don’t drag someone else through it. This world is so small, they are plenty of people out there for you.

Dating someone else because you are alone or because you want to be with someone else is not a strong thing and it’s not what a strong person does….Or a good person and definitely not what “perfect” people do either. You know why? A strong and a good person knows that they are okay by themselves. They know that they are okay being alone and that they believe they will find someone, they don’t need to use anyone else. They also know the love they are getting from their family and friends is enough, or the love they have for themselves IS enough. (If it isn’t, maybe look into that…That’s a post for another day though!).

On some level I actually get it, for some people it is very hard to think of others and other people, and seeing from their point of view. Unless they are actually treated this way themselves. They they just don’t care enough to get it. Too me, personally, it also speaks on a level of having no heart and being some kind of a sociopath as well. There’s no heart or kindness to use another human being in such a way. I think there is something off about people who do that, especially people who repeatedly do it.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!lol…Love yourself and each other ❤

It’s okay

It is okay to be single on Valentine’s Day…I mean literally every single person on this earth has been single on Valentine Days and there is nothing stopping you from celebrating the day either…Do or Don’t it all good. It’s on a Tuesday as well. What a terrible day to have Valentine’s on anyways.

When I was single I still celebrated Valentines Day and it was great. I never did go out on my own though. If I did, forever whatever, was by myself on Valentine’s Day I would get myself a dinner. Which doesn’t really make it any different from any other night when I’m by myself. When I was single I celebrated Valentines Day by going out with my Mum, who is also single, and one time all of my single friends got together and we had the best time ever!

What do you do after?

I think one of the most difficult things about a break up and what you do afterwards, is, what do you do with all the gifts afterwards? If you’re going to keep them, or anything, how long do you hold on, and how do you determine which things are items that you want to hold onto?

letting-go-breakup

I had one ex who had kept…well pretty much everything…I am always wary of a person who has SO many things of their past relationship. That that person could literally walk back into the door and it was like they were never gone. I think what was also a red flag was when my ex told me that he had left angry, which had meant he had to go back and get all of her things, clothing, empty paint bottles, even some adult toys. That is having far too many things of your ex’s. You have to let at least some things go.

However, I also think it’s okay to keep a couple of things, but it all depends on the individual. Some people do have trouble letting go and will use the items left behind as a way to keeping holding on. I once had a box that had bits and bobs and over the years it’s gotten less and less as I’ve thrown out more and more. Some of the things that I have held onto are items that are hopeless hopes that my ex’s weren’t complete douche-bags, and that I hadn’t made such horrible choices.

I think the weirdest thing I have ever seen an ex hold onto was the adult toy. For various reasons, firstly is just crept me out. His ex girlfriend bought it for herself, so he didn’t even buy it for her, she bought it for her. The reason they broke up was because she was constantly cheating on him. How could you take a adult toy, without knowing whether or not she used with those others? That and it’s just gross. His friends know all about this particular toy and seemed almost shocked when asked if I had ever used it and I said “HELL TO THE NO!”…Are they kidding?

 Have you kept anything from a past relationship? Only feel comfortable sharing if you want, if you have, why? Do you have an issue with current partners keeping items from an ex? What’s the weirdest thing an ex or yourself has ever kept?

I’m Blue for You

Down Under this time of year it can be hard for the Single people folk here. See, not only is it Christmas , New Year Eve’s, we also have our Summer holidays. In the Northern Hemisphere you would have your Summer Holidays in the middle of the year. In Australia we have a lot of holidays and catching up and spending the time in the sun, all in the space of about 6 weeks. So it can be really rough and I have a lot of friends who constantly talk about how rough it.

When I was single, I never really worried too much. I handle being single pretty well, I always felt single when I was in relationships, because my ex’s just never felt “there”. However, I digress.

Too help combat the Holidays Blues, I have come up with a list of things that I used to do when I was single. Some of them I used to do when I was dating!

  • Go on a date with yourself.Treat yourself to a movie you want to see and have a nice lunch or dinner, go shopping. This is actually one I started to do when I was with somebody.
  • It’s alright to go on holidays by yourself. Go somewhere that has a nice little cottage and get yourself room service.
  • On a nice day take a nice slow walk, take a nice rug and find somewhere like a beach or a park and just read, or listen to some music on your ipod. This was another I did when I was dating someone, and it was needed.
  • Organise something with your friends, doesn’t matter if it’s all your single friends or just all of them. Just organise something. See if you can make it a regular yearly occasion.
  • Have a marathon movie night, get some “bad food” and some “good drink” and just watch whatever you want.
  • Being  single girl I wouldn’t ever go out drinking in a different place, but some people are up for that.
  • Get more into any hobbies you may have, see if you can find a group somewhere that does your Hobby.

Always remember as well, there is nothing wrong with being single during the holiday period. I would say 100% of people have been single at some holiday time or another. If you don’t feel like going out as well and hanging out with others, don’t do it. This is your life!

Another old age question…Do long distance relationships work?

I got another one!

As someone who once was in a long distance relationship on and once off again for 3 years, I feel like I’ve delved into this enough to write about it.

Short answer: Yes, they can work.

However, there are different factors have to consider.

  1. You have to both want it to work. Just with any relationship, not just long distance, means that both partners have to want it to work.
  2. You still have to have each others back. This was such a huge problem for me. My now ex partner liked this girl who hated me (I still, 7 years later, have never actually met this girl). So I felt very alone, which is dangerous in a long distance relationship. The ONLY reason I knew he wasn’t cheating on me with her was because I knew that she didn’t like him. It was weird, she liked him using him as a pretend boyfriend, as she called him, but wasn’t interested in him. I felt like an idiot having to fight with my own boyfriend about how another girl was using him, like he was only my friend.
  3. You still have to make an effort. Especially with today’s technology, there’s no real reason to not face time or to text. Although you may not be able to afford the most expensive technology, you can still do sweet things. I used to like writing letters to my partner, for example.
  4. You HAVE to see each other for a good amount of time at least once or twice a year AND you both have to visit the other. This can be harder with international relationships. But my ex partner never once came out to Australia, it was always the other way around. Even when I offered to pay for him to come out here.
  5. Make sure when you go visit you have somewhere to go in case something “bad” happens. You don’t have to break up with someone when you are in different places, it can happen when you’re together. Make sure you have a back up plan, in case it goes wrong…Trust me. I found out years later that my ex had wanted to break up with me at one point while I was over there, but didn’t because he was worried I had nowhere else to go (which was not true).
  6. Remember their friends may not be yours! This was a hard lesson for me. Some of my ex’s friends I made good friendships over there and still am friends with them, and when I can afford too, I’ll go back and see them. Others were definitely a lot more “fake”.

That old age question…The rules of being single?

Ha! I finally found another topic to write about under my “Single in a Small city” category. For those who don’t know there is a lot of irony in this particular category. I was 30, I had been broken up with someone for about a month and so decided to write about being single in a small town. Well the “irony” about it is that roughly a little over another month later, when I started this category, I started dating someone….And the rest…as they say…is history.

I felt it was a little wrong about talking about being single, when I wasn’t anymore. It was also funny because usually when I’ve broken up with someone, I’m usually would stay single for about a year. It’s not a rule, it’s just something that always seemed to happen to me, so to be dating someone a couple of months later was a huge shock for me.

The other problem with being a small city is that a lot of the time, it’s a Kevin Bacon six degrees situation. The person you like or are dating or are interested in, even when you think you’re dating someone completely different from your ex. There is usually someone they know who will know your ex in some form or another.  So although there came a time when I refused to date anyone from the same group as my ex, after the appalling way I was treated by the “good guys”. Every ex since, has known someone from my ex’s group, who knows my ex…Complicated, isn’t it?lol … So you can have a rule about not dating anyone from your old friendship groups with a ex that you share, but it is so hard to do that here.

Do you have any rules, readers? When you’re single, do you not date for a set amount of time…Or are your rules more like “guidelines”?