“Stolen”

I saw something over the past week that has sort of bugged me a lot because it’s not just an single incident. It seems that when someone cheats and runs off with another person. People (mainly women it seems) tend to place the blame on the person that their partner cheated on them with. They were “stolen” or “taken” by that other person.

Now what got my attention was that someone posted a meme about how Blac Chyna exacted her revenge on Kylie Kardashain for stealing Tyga from her, by using Rob’s brother. This post isn’t not about that family, but about the situation in general. There were lots of reasons that it bothered for the list of reasons below.

  • No one can be stolen or taken from anyone unless they want too be. If they are that is called “kidnapping”. REPEAT.
  • Kylie was only 16/17 when she was first dating Tyga, which means that she was underage when they were first dating. So this “man” was stolen by a child. What a man! I can see why you’d what that back! (sarcasm intended).
  • Blac Chyna (if true) was trying to get back at Kylie, was attacking a child, instead of the “man” who LEFT her.
  • That whole family is a mess. Lot of insecurity there.

Apart from that crazy family my point is this. I get it’s easier to blame the other person who “took” your ex-partner from you. It’s easier to lash out at that person who is nothing to to you, then someone you probably still care about. The truth is, no one can be taken from a relationship unless it’s just something they want, for whatever reasons. It is also definitely not advisable to date that persons mentally unhealthy sibling.

(My personal view: On a completely different note, I think all Blac Chyna has done is made Tyga (who is a total loser to begin with) made him more thankful they are not together anymore? Revenge Porn is also illegal not matter what)

 

Not Married, But Attached — Musings from a Tangled Mind

I know I’ve written many times before about the weird and wild world of online dating. I’ve written about the “stranger danger” Spidey sense that hits when you decide to meet a stranger in person for the first time. I’ve written about the unflattering photos of men way past their prime flaunting their topless torsos […]

via Not Married, But Attached — Musings from a Tangled Mind

Can I just begin this by saying that I feel really bad that I don’t pay much attention to this category. I created the “Single in a small city”category and then about a month later I met my now partner of roughly over two years. I always feel funny about writing being single in any form, when I’m not. However, I still love hearing about other people’s dating stories and I absolutely adore the tv show “First Dates” It’s hilarious! I think that I’ve only be right about one couple so far and I so happy for them that they were still dating after the show.

The above post is from Musings from a Tangled Mind and it’s really hilarious post, it is really great and shows what kind of odd balls there are still out there. Online dating seems to be the thing to do these days.

I met my current partner through online dating and it worked for me. I think it worked for me, I think though that it worked for me because I was “sensible” about it. I met him for the first time in a public place, I made sure I actually had an excuse to leave (if it was turning out to be horrible) and never gave out any personal information!

However, my current partner was not the first person that I met on a date from online dating, and I actually didn’t want to meet the guy. It was more at my mother’s instance. Always listen to your gut instincts! On the one and only date I went on with the other guy, it was really uncomfortable. I already didn’t want to meet him before the date. He insisted on paying for my dinner, but he kept saying how he did it. Then he insisted on dropping me off home, I was not about to let him know where I lived! Then when I convinced him to not drop me home, he left me outside by myself, on a dark street, while I waited for a taxi.

The other person

I am such an odd person, I feel like I have such a different view on life and how I view certain situations. I’m just going to have too say that I have been cheated on in pretty much every single relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t understand it, what I don’t actually understand is why cheat when you can break up with me? I have never been married, I don’t have kids with any of these people, so why didn’t they just leave?

That’s not what my weird view of life is about though, I’m sure lots of people think that “Why didn’t they just leave”.

What I don’t do, I have never blamed the other person who cheated with my partner. I have had quiet a few of these ladies come to me after my break ups. Mainly, I think it’s because they thought when my ex and I had broken up, they were just going to jump into a relationship with my ex. When that didn’t happen, they thought coming to me would do something, I’m not exactly sure what. I was always thought it was an odd thing to do because why do these people think my ex’s respected me enough to listen to me, when they had cheated on me, and didn’t break up with me instead. That’s not respectful, they didn’t respect me, clearly. They’re not going to listen to me now.

I have always felt though, it’s not the “other persons” job to respect me and protect me and take care of my heart, that is 100% my partners job. Even if they actually know about me, it’s still not their job. They don’t know me, they may know of my existence, but they don’t KNOW me, they owe me absolutely nothing.

I’ve been tempted in the past and I don’t think a lot of people would have blamed me, and I’m like 99% sure the other person would have been up for it. I still didn’t do it though. I didn’t do it for me, I didn’t do it for my partner at the time. I realised something was wrong and I tried to fix it. My partner then continued to cheat on me, or tried too (that’s a whole other story for another day) and we broke up. I can look myself in the face/mirror though and be proud and happy with myself. It also gave me a huge amount of respect for the person I wanted to cheated with, since they didn’t do anything either. In all honestly as well, until I had met my current partner I always had a little “What if

The only time I would ever blame the “other person” is if they were a good friend or a family member, that’s it.

The Grudge

I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend and it made me think how people will view grudges differently, depending on which side you are on That’s not too say that everyone is like this, after all we all experience things in different ways.

Let me explain…

Very recently both my friend and I both had people from our past that sent us friends on request on Facebook. Both people had been very cruel to both of us, for no good reasons. They both sent us a friends request with no message, apology or reasons why they felt like we should be “Facebook friends” and we both said no. One of us then heard about how their ex-friend was telling everybody how my friend was holding onto a grudge, and I was told “it’s in the past, why can’t I just let it go”.

I also have been in a situation where someone who used to bully me in primary school, wrote a message to me on Facebook and apologised. I accepted their friends request and I do not have one single regret.

I am a big believer in letting things go and forgiving people…not for them, but for yourself. Both of us can honestly say that we hold no grudge or even ill-will towards these people. We just don’t think we have to be friends with everybody. Clearly, the fact also that these people can’t even understand and instead of sending us a message to ask us “Why”, they decided to talk about it with everybody else, except for us. Which to both of us, shows us that really nothing has changed.

So, how about yourself, do you hold onto grudges?Are you good at letting things go? Do you believe some people will just never change? Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Please, stay single

There are these people that I know who clearly fooling around with each other behind their partners back. I have lost respect for these people over time and I just have very little to do with them anymore. The whole group is just a mess.

It doesn’t just bug me because they are cheating with each other, but it’s also because one of them was single when they met the other originally. They had just gotten out of an engagement and at the time the other person was married. Yet, even though there were obvious feelings between the two: Person A didn’t even leave their marriage until their partner got an amazing job ‘overseas’ and they just didn’t want to put the effort in. Which is when I really started to lose respect since their partner had given up so much to begin with. It was SUCH a cop out.

Person B then started dating nearly all of Person’s A closest friend while, at least, emotionally cheating on them all with Person A and got engaged to one of them. Then conveniently Person A marriage split up and Person B with their fiance…Coincidence.

STOP USING PEOPLE! NO ONE DESERVES THAT!

usins

I have a hard time not saying anything because I’m one of those people who hates injustice of any type. Which means the best that I feel like I can do is just stay away since no one else in the group seem to honestly care and they even called Perfect B “Perfect” and that they could never think of an insult good enough. So it continues.

What the actual…

What this all comes down for me is to tell people. Please, for the love of god, don’t date someone because you can’t be with the person you want too be with. Please don’t date someone because you’re lonely and you don’t think you can’t do any better…You partner doesn’t deserve that. When you start to date someone, please make sure this is what you really want. You may not be sure that you even want to date, but make sure you don’t drag someone else through it. This world is so small, they are plenty of people out there for you.

Dating someone else because you are alone or because you want to be with someone else is not a strong thing and it’s not what a strong person does….Or a good person and definitely not what “perfect” people do either. You know why? A strong and a good person knows that they are okay by themselves. They know that they are okay being alone and that they believe they will find someone, they don’t need to use anyone else. They also know the love they are getting from their family and friends is enough, or the love they have for themselves IS enough. (If it isn’t, maybe look into that…That’s a post for another day though!).

On some level I actually get it, for some people it is very hard to think of others and other people, and seeing from their point of view. Unless they are actually treated this way themselves. They they just don’t care enough to get it. Too me, personally, it also speaks on a level of having no heart and being some kind of a sociopath as well. There’s no heart or kindness to use another human being in such a way. I think there is something off about people who do that, especially people who repeatedly do it.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!lol…Love yourself and each other ❤

It’s okay

It is okay to be single on Valentine’s Day…I mean literally every single person on this earth has been single on Valentine Days and there is nothing stopping you from celebrating the day either…Do or Don’t it all good. It’s on a Tuesday as well. What a terrible day to have Valentine’s on anyways.

When I was single I still celebrated Valentines Day and it was great. I never did go out on my own though. If I did, forever whatever, was by myself on Valentine’s Day I would get myself a dinner. Which doesn’t really make it any different from any other night when I’m by myself. When I was single I celebrated Valentines Day by going out with my Mum, who is also single, and one time all of my single friends got together and we had the best time ever!

What do you do after?

I think one of the most difficult things about a break up and what you do afterwards, is, what do you do with all the gifts afterwards? If you’re going to keep them, or anything, how long do you hold on, and how do you determine which things are items that you want to hold onto?

letting-go-breakup

I had one ex who had kept…well pretty much everything…I am always wary of a person who has SO many things of their past relationship. That that person could literally walk back into the door and it was like they were never gone. I think what was also a red flag was when my ex told me that he had left angry, which had meant he had to go back and get all of her things, clothing, empty paint bottles, even some adult toys. That is having far too many things of your ex’s. You have to let at least some things go.

However, I also think it’s okay to keep a couple of things, but it all depends on the individual. Some people do have trouble letting go and will use the items left behind as a way to keeping holding on. I once had a box that had bits and bobs and over the years it’s gotten less and less as I’ve thrown out more and more. Some of the things that I have held onto are items that are hopeless hopes that my ex’s weren’t complete douche-bags, and that I hadn’t made such horrible choices.

I think the weirdest thing I have ever seen an ex hold onto was the adult toy. For various reasons, firstly is just crept me out. His ex girlfriend bought it for herself, so he didn’t even buy it for her, she bought it for her. The reason they broke up was because she was constantly cheating on him. How could you take a adult toy, without knowing whether or not she used with those others? That and it’s just gross. His friends know all about this particular toy and seemed almost shocked when asked if I had ever used it and I said “HELL TO THE NO!”…Are they kidding?

 Have you kept anything from a past relationship? Only feel comfortable sharing if you want, if you have, why? Do you have an issue with current partners keeping items from an ex? What’s the weirdest thing an ex or yourself has ever kept?