I have this joke that when I get married, I wont be control because no one listens to what I say anyway.
So I had a little bit of a break down a couple of weeks ago, it’s probably been coming…But doesn’t it feel so much better when you do have one? It’s sad that it comes to it, but it does feel better.
My break down was after my birthday because all I wanted for my birthday more than anything, was just to be listened too. The month started off bad and what kept me going was that my birthday was at the end of it and that I could get what I want. By that I don’t mean millions of dollars spent on me, but if asked, I could ask what I want or did not want. So here a just of a couple of things that happened:
- When my mum went to Melbourne my partner promised if he didn’t have to stay over my Mums house while I dog sat, he would spend more money on me for my bday. I wanted him to stay over more because I was feeling depressed, but agreed. I don’t know why he never wants to say at mums house, but there it is. My birthday comes we go to Zing pop and I managed to get one figure that was $38. However, there was another I did not want and said as much and he made it get anyway. However, there was a figurine that I really wanted that he refused to get for me. Considering the promise he made, I nearly $200 on his birthday and this figurine was $188. I started off my birthday feeling pretty gipped. Result: He keeps getting annoyed at me because he wanted to give me “more”. So two figurines, one of which I did not want and was cheap and he definitely has spent more on in me the past…is more? He keeps trying to shame me publicly as well about, when my Mum dropped me off he kept complaining how I’d complained about it.
- My mum and I went shopping the Easter weekend for new pjs instead of chocolate. Which I thought was a fantastic idea, I didn’t need new ones, but she doesn’t like my pjs. While we were shopping I TOLD her I only like flannel pjs and TOLD her why. The week after, my Mum was going to Melbourne and there are SO many stores there I LOVE and TOLD her. The weekend after she got back was my birthday. Guess what I got…another pair of pyjamas. That came from a store in Adelaide, that came from a store she told me we weren’t allowed to buy things from for YEARS. The material, I hate, it tangles my hair up badly. Hence, when we went shopping for pjs, literally, the weekend before I did not ask for, if I wanted that material I would have asked for it…The weekend before…I would have it in my drawers right now. Results: Me in tears because clearly my Mum just gets it wrong, and how dare I tell her that she did get it wrong, after I told her a week before how she could have gotten it right?
- I told my Dad not to start travelling to visit me until 9am and after I’ve said it’s okay. I’ve been getting called into work a lot lately, so I didn’t want him to start the two hour drive and then I had to go. I get a text at 7:30 asking if I had been called in…What did I say not just say more than 24 hours before…9…I also had things to do in the morning and I thought 2 hours would be perfect and it wasn’t raining. So 9 I don’t get called in, I texted him…He’s 20 minutes away -.- Which means he had started driving when he sent me the first text. If I had been called in he would have put me in a really awkward position, but not only that, but everything I needed to do in the morning I didn’t have time for. One being putting my pay in, which luckily someone rang me and I was able to do. My dad is a stickler for not being on your phone or computer when you have visitors. Result: Me being embarrassed because not only did I forget about my pay. But my Dad, after telling him about water leakage on my partners RENTAL PROPERTY and telling him NOT to touch anything…He did and my partners hot gas water system went off.
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve said over the last couple of weeks “This is what happens when people don’t listen to me”. The difference between before and now is that I am actually called people out on their not listening to me.
After the last couple of weeks and my Dad being the final “not listening” to me straw. I wrote a joke on Facebook. I said that the only present I wanted to was to be listened to and that I made a joke about what else should I expect and how I already knew I’m not in control of my wedding. I’m serious, I have already been told what dress I’m wearing, who I can and cannot invite, what kind of place, the rings and the what type of music…You know, nothing important. I dare not tell anyone that I just want a buffet.
I write this post and all of a sudden I get this response saying “I see people write on your Facebook posts often…You are listened too”…Uhh…Did I mention ANYTHING about my Facebook posts? No. If I meant Facebook I would have literally said my Facebook posts…What do Facebook posts have anything to do with me being listened too? Do I write EVERY conservation that I have on Facebook? No. So even when I say I am not being listened, I’m wrong, even though I’m not.
So, basically the theme of this year was literally to tell people what I want or don’t want, why I do want something and don’t get a single thing. Point this out and I am just in the wrong…Always.
Part 2: Why I wanted this to be the year that for a present I just wanted to be listened too.