The “Good Guy” Syndrome

I usually don’t like writing/talking about this subject mainly because it brings up so many issues and problems and no one actually listening, just all fights. This is a major problem that a lot of girls face when they’re single. I’m not sure if being in a relationships means that I just don’t see it anymore, but I know it’s a huge problem.

Deciding to write this blog post come about when someone posted to me in a private message. The article comes from the website Distractify and I really had to share it with you.

The guy is shaming women who reject him and it backfires.

To summarise this article, a person (assuming he’s a guy here) writes an anonymous note about how ‘hard’ it is to be a good guy, opening doors and not getting thanked for it…blah, blah, blah…And the responses that come from this anon note. The reason I wanted to share it with you all was this one classic line from the backfire:

“Did Batman give up on Gotham because people weren’t thanking him for saving the city?”.

I can personally relate to this issue, I was actually shamed on Facebook because I didn’t want to date a “good guy” cause nothing says “I’m a good guy” like shaming someone because they rejected you…three times…*insert sarcasm* Being shamed publicly on Facebook completely made me rethink and made me realised how wrong I was when I saw that if I didn’t do what this guy wanted me to, he’d get his friends and they’d just humiliate me…I wasn’t happy with my choice of not dating this guy at all*end of sarcasm*

I did learn from this situation…Make a game out of it ladies (and guys if this happens to as well). What I used to do was with the last guy I was with  and when he would do the cliche “good guy things”. For example, having to make a comment on any girls picture asking “where the good guys are”…Everyone takes a shot/drink.

Guys you need ask yourself two questions, if you need to try and convince someone else you’re a “good guy” ask yourself why do you have no other qualities to offer? And, if you are SO convinced that the girl you “like” is chasing someone who you think is such a “douche” why do YOU want a girl like that? What does it say about you?

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4 thoughts on “The “Good Guy” Syndrome

  1. In one of the Batman movies, Gordon explains to Batman that he hadn’t thanked him for what he had done – to which Batman replied, “You’ll never have to.” In the Bible, there is a passage (I’m not able to quote it or cite it properly – it can be googled, though) where someone says to Jesus: “Didn’t we cast out demons, heal and perform all sorts of miracles in your name?” To which Jesus explains that he will tell those people to get out of his sight. I think this passage can be taken in different ways – back in the days when I thought I might be Christian, I understood the passage to be Jesus’ way of saying that good things shouldn’t be done in his name – they should be done because they are good things. People who run around and talk about what ‘good guys’ they are should probably take note of that.

    There is also a rule in leadership, that the first time you have to remind someone you are in charge, you no longer are. I think this also applies to ‘good guys’ who think using good deeds and (self-proclaimed) good intentions is an acceptable means of manipulating someone to give in to their advances. If you have to remind someone of how ‘good’ you are, then you either aren’t as good as you want people to believe; or the person you are ‘reminding’ is an idiot.

    What I’ve learned over the years is that if you like someone, no matter how crazy or vulnerable it might make you, you tell them. You can be romantic about it, and you probably should be ready to explain why you like that person so much. Or you can be simple and direct about it, if this is how you normally tend to be. That puts the proverbial ball in the other person’s court. They can then make their own decisions about your feelings and interests, and how they want to react to them. There is no manipulation taking place here, everything is kept at an honest level; and should a relationship of the romantic variety result, it will do so on a firm foundation of trust and respect. If not, then that’s how it is. You can wait for that someone to change their mind, without trying to change it for them; or you can go on about living your life and keeping your eyes open for someone who is interested in you and takes you seriously for your romantic potential.

    Do what you feel is right, because you feel like it’s the right thing to do. Don’t waste your life trying to impress people by always trying to do what you think they feel is right. As a general rule, manipulating your way into someone’s pants doesn’t make you good – it makes you desperate, and too cowardly to stand on your own and respect someone else’s right to decide for themselves what he or she wants. If you ‘love’ someone so much that their rejection (or even the fear of it) causes you to resort to passive-aggressive tactics and manipulations; then you have a pretty flawed concept for what love is.

  2. I will never understand how shaming someone who doesn’t want to date you is supposed to somehow make you feel better lol If someone doesn’t want you then they don’t want you. Move one. Its happened to me so many times that I literally just laugh and walk away. They compliment you and try to convince and when you say (as nicely as possible) “no thank you, im not interested” its immediately followed by a stream of insults. Great job, cause now the very slim chance that you had the first time has exponentially declined

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