One of the things that I absolutely hate about my last ‘relationship’, was that no matter how much I know I’m better off and no matter how much I love and adore my current boyfriend. I hate how the past can affect us and damage us for someone who has never done a thing to hurt us.

To make a long story short, my last “relationship” ended up being a disaster and have no idea why. The only way I can explain it to myself is that I honestly was just a bet. I am decade older than my last partner and he chased me for months (nearly a year) full well knowing that I’m much older than him, but we ended up dating…for a month. Now his reason was alright (after nearly a year he realised I was much older than him)…

But as all my ex’s seem to do, they just seem to turn on me? All my breakups have been “amicable” in that we’ve both realised it’s not going to work and somehow all of my ex’s, even when they not great friends with the person, they’ve all gone running to the person who hates me the most? It’s put some serious trust issues, deep embedded in me. My last ex, for example, using to complain about this “best friend” of his more than I did and I had more of a reason to dislike this guy, and does not respect the guy. Yet, the first person he goes to, out of all of his friends, is a guy he doesn’t respect and knows hates my guts?

The whole feeling though of feeling stupid for having such strong feelings for someone who thought me nothing more than a bet, still stays with me to this day and I just cannot shake it. It annoys me to no end. I am extremely happy with my relationship and I can tell it bothers my current partner that I seriously struggle to open up. I just cannot help it.

Any advice?


12 thoughts on “Leftovers

  1. We enter new relationships with new people, in the hopes of experiencing love in new ways; but invariably allow old partners and old injuries shape them. People who betray our feelings for them do not at the same time invalidate those feelings – that we take care of ourselves when we doubt our feelings and instincts. We say, ‘what I saw in him / her obviously wasn’t real;’ but we are wrong to do this, we are wrong to let someone else’s betrayal so easily cause us to invalidate ourselves. If our feelings were valid, then, it stands to reason that they are still so, and will be again.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Worse still, imagine how you would feel if a new partner did the same to you? Going by what you’ve said so far, some of your past partners may have been doing just that. Such viscious circles are not easy to break.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He does do it a little, because they used to cook Asian food and he apparently REALLY loves that. Whereas I cook English/Italian type food,lol…He’s excuse is though “Well I broke up with them, so it doesn’t matter” >.<

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Everyone we encounter changes us a bit … the really cool thing about this is that the changes we allow others to influence or inspire in us are a matter of our own choosing 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can definitely relate although I don’t think any of my break-ups have been amicable! Lol! Its very hard to see your ex associating with people you don’t like and there have been times I was sure I could feel my ears burn.

    To be honest, I’m just glad to see the back of the whole lot of them. I don’t need losers like that in my life. But I do regret that Mr. D. has borne the brunt of the ghosts of exes past which really wasn’t fair but I’m glad to say that over the years things have gotten better.

    This may sound simplistic but rather than forget the past completely, learn from the mistakes of the past, use your common sense, trust your instincts, and I think you won’t go far wrong. Oh and communication is vital! I don’t know if you and your boyfriend have had a discussion on your inability to open up. Maybe its something you can work on together.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m afraid it won’t happen overnight – as I’m sure you’ve gathered! My advice would just be to take it once step at a time. We even had a few counseling sessions – as a couple and individually – which helped. We definitely communicate better these days, and I’m getting much better at letting go and leaving the past where It belongs.

        I’m sure you will too.

        Liked by 1 person

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