Wobble…Like Jelly…

So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.

Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.

I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.

I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.

p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.

 brokengirl

This Matthew West guy seems to get it…

Uploaded by QueenGalaxii

Published on 14 May 2012

Lyric Video..

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JessicarJiggins

3 thoughts on “Wobble…Like Jelly…

  1. I’m so truly sorry your area is going through such turmoil right now and such a loss of life. For you personally, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for being a compassionate person. It makes you a genuinely NICE PERSON. Revel in that, take pride in that. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. So what if they don’t care. You don’t want to change who you are because of them anyway. Be proud that you’re a caring person because that’s who you are….no matter what the situation is or who you’re dealing with. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, I have really been talking to people over the last 24 hours and I am feeling a little better.
      I don’t want to change, because then I’ll become like them! I definitely do not want that!

      Liked by 1 person

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