Always here too me…

I promise that I will stop posting the depressing blog posts about break ups soon, I have a slight feeling that I am feeling a little better. I have stopped talking to my ex, cold turkey. He didn’t do anything wrong I just realised that I was not moving on and so far this actually seems to be working. I was just having this random thought and at the moment I’m not really sure that I even know how to talk to my friends and family about it, mainly because I am worried if I let them know how I’m feeling, they will become worried and there’s nothing to worry about. So I guess what I’m saying any advice would be much appreciated! (Am I glad or what my ex can’t see this either!lol)

This is the first break up that I have ever had where I feel truly alone. I feel a huge part of me is missing. It took me a long time to let my guard down with my ex and when I did, I fell pretty darn quickly after that. He became such a huge part of my life in such a big way in a short amount of time and I’m not even sure any-more what he was actually feeling. He made feel the happiest and the safest that I have ever felt before and now I have the hopeless feeling that he may have never cared for me as strongly as I felt for him. I’m tired of asking him if he did care about me, because why would he say no for? He’d be too terrified to tell me anything else,lol.

In all honesty, in thirty years, I have never felt like this after a break up. Sometimes it is extremely distressing and I completely zone out and pay no attention to what is going on around me (I nearly got hit by a car the other day). Has anyone else ever gone through this? Can you give any advice on how to help me through? What are some steps that I could take to get through this.


*Update* I had this post scheduled and since then I am no longer in contact with my ex in anyway and have no plans of that changing shortly, but I would still appreciate the advice!



7 thoughts on “Always here too me…

  1. I think before we can ever truly love someone else, entirely, we have to be madly in love with ourselves. We have to accept ourselves, find our own joy and contentment instead of hoping someone else will come in a fill the void. We have to learn how to be alone and find peace and happiness in it, when we need someone else so much we tend to form a dependence on them, we have to be our own anchor, firmly planted and secure.

    If not, we will float, lost in a sea of loneliness if their ship sets off on another course. When a relationship ends, we have to feel the pain of loss, but find a place for it. The more we hold onto it, the more it grows.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Girl I feel ya 100%. I’m having a bad night because I still talk to mine, but he only texts me back or talks to me when it’s convenient for him. It makes me feel like all of his words were just talk and I mean nothing to him. And normally I wouldn’t care, but like you, this is the first time I’ve let my guard completely down to someone and he totally took advantage of it. I felt I’d finally found someone to replace the void left by my former best friend and then just as quickly as he filled that space, he dipped out on me and I feel more alone now than I ever did before him. It sucks, and it’s hard. I’d offer advice, but honestly I myself don’t know what to do. I just try to hold on to my anger and dignity, and know that if someone so fake could convince me so much that we were happy and in love, then just think what it will be like when someone ACTUALLY loves me. That makes me feel better most of the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s what I keep telling myself too. The other reason I’m devastated that he’s gone is because for the first time I met someone who actually treated me well. I was genuinely shocked when he’d say “Just as long as I’m with you”. I use to have to fight my other guys to get them to spend any time with me. At least now I feel that I can be treated with respect and there is nothing wrong with spending some time with me,lol


      1. I feel ya. This guy said sweet things ALL the time, and always reached for my hand, and did all of that and I’d never had that before. It is nice to know it exists…but makes it doubly depressing to have lost it…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, I’ve given myself a massive migraine from all the crying and worrying that I’ve done. But now I’m like “I am an AMAZING girlfriend, and awesome human being and I am so much better than a lot of other people out there, why am I getting upset about some dumb arse who thinks that being with people he can’t even been honest with is better option than me!”lol

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.